Thursday, August 16, 2012

Checking In from the Crazy Side

Are you thinking that I am going to be one of those SAHM moms that never blogs and is all, "hey catch me on Twitter yo?" Nope cuz my arse is too lazy for Twitter and I feel socially awkward on it.  We are putting our house on the market and it is causing me great angst.  This place has to be painted (LO's shopping carts), recarpeted (damn u reflux) and thinned out (get rid of the plastic crap everywhere yo).  That will be a breeze with a nanny and contractor to help.  Oh, i have to do it. Shite.  Huh, seems ok except when u take a 2 year old to the paint store.  "LO only take one paint chip at a time and then put it back and take another, ok?" "yes." "LO where are ALL the bottom three rows of paint chips?" "I threw them in the trash."  

We also put an offer in on a house. Hmmm, sounds so familiar that I don't even think about it.  I DOUBT we will get it.  

Everyone keeps asking what we are going to do when we sell this house. I have NO idea because a large part of me thinks we will NEVER sell this place so why worry about it? The other part is seeing a gypsy life of couch hopping.  Got some room for the FIVE of us? 

There is about a billion other things going on but LO drew me a picture of a "dog in an apartment" yesterday and it was all worth it. Kinda. 

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


Now that I have been a SAHM for a week, I feel that I can make some sweeping generalizations and offer loads of advice.  Hot damn, staying home would be so amazing without children.  I digress, being with LO more is great and she is so funny and sweet.  Um BUT girlfriend is testing ME big time to establish how we are going to play this staying home all the time game.  I took it as an awesome sign when I had to establish a time out step within two hours of waking on our first morning together.  She has been acting like it is a big party and I am there to set-up and clean-up her projects which change every 15 minutes. PAINT! WATER TABLE! SCOOTER! PLAY DOH! PUZZLE! I'M HUNGRY! HOLD ME! I FARTED! I know that she will calm down in a few weeks and we will establish a routine but there is a major power struggle going on.  She told me tonight that she was going to change my diaper and I should sleep in her crib and she would sleep in my bed.  I really had no idea that such STRONG opinions about the world could be formed in a mere two years.  

Ironically her school called and offered her a spot in their "stay and play" program yesterday which is two hours three days a week. YES PLEASE.  Last week, I would have told you that we would keep her home for another year but this is a good transition as you stay with the kids until they are ready for you to leave. Could be weeks or months, I am thinking days but we will see.  It is an afternoon class which I had passed on a different afternoon class a few months ago BUT this one is shorter and I opted to only do it three days.  She has been asking about school as we skipped summer session so I know that she will be excited.  It also relieves a little of my stress as I would have had to commit to a year with the other program and this you commit quarterly.  I still have no clue where we will move BUT I have preschool if we stay in this general area.

Also, I know it is early in the game to say this BUT I may hate the park.  This feeling of park hating has been festering for awhile and I just really have to say that the park and I are not the best of friends.  It's sweaty and sandy and general grossness with no cold alcoholic beverages.  I am sure that I just violated some great mom rule but there you have it.  THE PARK SUCKS.

I will be sharing more of my SAHM wisdom later but I have to say that not being paid to waste time and blog kind of blows.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Fish is Coming with ME

Just like that, I took my ergonomic keyboard in a Jerry Maguire taking the goldfish type scene and exited the corporate world on Tuesday.
I was and am scared.  We are on a budget and we have never in our FIVE years of marriage made a  budget work and it hasn't been that big of a deal but we kind of need to like balance a check book now.            So I have been thinking of ways to economize and telling me not to get Starbucks doesn't make sense as I don't drink coffee.  I made a budget and it looks pretty hard so that is my one big concern.  Other than the whole ruining my career and being poor, I am pretty excited.

I took LO to Jen's house on Wednesday and spent the day doing fun inexpensive stuff.  I got a $19.99 foot massage that one of my fancy friends recommended.  I am pretty sure that massage parlor is how Kerri Walsh got pink-eye.  Then I went to see Queen of Versailles which is my type of movie and caught a drink with a friend.  It was a great day and I embarked on the journey to spend EVERY single day with my darling baby.  I took it as a great sign when she told me that she would rather be with Jen than me.  Awesome.  Then she wanted to know what happened to the nanny.

So we spent our first SAHM day going to the circus on a train with Jen and Jackson.  I found some cheap circus tickets which kept my budget in check and I didn't feel guilty if LO had her BACK TO the PERFORMERS FOR 75% of the show.  It was quite the adventure and I have never met a more agreeable kid than Jackson.  He DID everything he was asked and NEVER cried.  He got tired and just went to sleep while sitting.  There was no throwing one's self onto the ground while screaming for an item that is impossible to obtain on a moving train or intentionally rubbing one's face on the bathroom wall.

Come on Jackson, let's slowly ease ourselves onto the tracks.
 Now look at the adults and smirk.
After you get in trouble, you take a tiny step forward and then pretend you are going to jump onto the tracks at any second.
That nugget was having none of her games and behaved the ENTIRE time.  He is lucky that I didn't take a nibble off his cheeks or arms.  I will also understand when we NEVER hear from them for another play date.