Thursday, May 31, 2012


Nobody ever wants to admit that they are the person immobilized during a catastrophe or the annoying person that just screams and stands there.  I have always pictured myself as the person who leaps over people and fences in case of emergency.  Somehow my non-athletic self would be propelled with gymnastic type moves.  I am beginning to suspect that I might be someone who acts a fool. 

I am being 100% SERIOUS when I say/write this next sentence.  Every time we have an earthquake, I freeze WONDERING if it is an earthquake OR, OR a dinosaur, Godzilla, from the future GIANT beast or transformer about to put his foot through the roof.  The first thoughts through my brain are usually wondering if he is going to step on me.  Not once and then I laughed BUT every time ESPECIALLY when it is a jerky quake.   A few nights ago, we had an earthquake and if you farted sneezed you missed it.  I was plugging in my phone to be charged and felt complete panic that I needed to plug in my phone IN CASE it was the big one EVEN though we would lose power within seconds IF it was the BIG one.  At the same time wondering if it was the big one or a demonic beast stomping around the neighborhood. 

These mild panic attacks always remind me of our weddingmoon in London where I wouldn't LEAVE the burning hotel UNTIL I found my SUNGLASSES! Not my passport, wedding dress or jewelry BUT my sunglasses.  I felt like losing my sunglasses would have been the kicker that made the trip unbearable.  We were the last people to evacuate as DH patiently put all of our necessary docs in a bag and waited for me to rip APART the hotel room in pursuit of non-prescription regular sunglasses.   I know that I have mentioned the story before but it still amazes me.

I told DH about my confusion with the stomping beast and earthquakes and his answer?? Absolute silence and boredom.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012


This weekend was AMAZING.  I mean, I cried out of frustration within 16 hours of DH's return home but STILL a great weekend.  DH and I took Friday off as the nanny had some doctor's appointments.  I was going to go to work but it didn't sound that fun as the week dragged on so I took the day off.  DH and I went to look at the house again after we received a counter offer to our FULL price offer on Friday and decided to withdraw our offer.  Sigh.  I LOVE the neighborhood as in I WILL LIVE THERE.  It wasn't the right house but I felt a bit under appreciated as I still had to do a ton of stuff to get us to a point of being IN negotiations on a house so I lashed out and then cried.  Then I went for a drive to see Grandpa Irv where we discussed my weight.  I don't discuss much beyond LO and her cuteness with Grandpa Irv as he can't hear BUT my weight is a pretty consistent topic that he brings up. 

Isn't your weight discussed with family members??? I hadn't really thought about it until this weekend BUT it has been a lifelong topic with MULTIPLE members of my family.  My dad focuses on my skin more but will definitely let me know if a few pounds are lingering on my rear end. 

We woke up Saturday morning with the house drama behind us and a FULL day of blueberry picking ahead of us. 
I convinced LO that all picking/farm activities necessitated overalls.   She believed me and set off to make her fortune in the blueberry trade.
I am thinking of sending a check to Underwood Farms as her container was empty but plenty of blueberries were picked.  Hmmmmmmmmmm.

What could have happened?  The picture is a bit dark but I think we may have discovered part of the problem.
Good thing, dad is hard at work picking more supplies.
I hope there is enough to hold me through the tractor ride.
And one more failed attempt at a fam pic.
We went out that evening for DH's big birthday to a place called, "ANIMAL." I had fish and too much champagne.   LO gave us the best birthday gift of all by sleeping until 10 am or we just didn't hear her and she gave up trying to get our sorry asses up.  We had dinner with my family and LO avoided FOOD as usual.  We went to another dinner on Monday night with friends and I even tried starving her prior to dinner and she didn't eat one thing on her plate until I gave in and fed her some sweet potatoes and white beans.  I am a picky eater but she takes it to a whole new level.

The weekend ended with a crazy game that involved throwing small silver balls all over hardwood floors with a SEVEN year old who is quite the apple of LO's eye.  She kept it classy with a halter top.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Just ME Complaining

LO is still sick and it SUCKS.  I haven't slept through the night since Sunday and it is all very, "Can I get more pacis?" at 2 am and "Is Thomas the Train sleeping?" and "Molly hit her head on the see-saw." YEAH, that was THREE weeks ago and I don't want to talk about it in the MIDDLE of the night.  Also, sleeping in my bed is very, "I need water, I need to pee, I need to stuff toilet paper in my toilet, this is the wrong lovey." DH will be making a brief appearance this weekend and I hope that homeboy is ready to do some heavy lifting as I need some sleepy time. 

In anticipation of the King's return, I did some major purging of toys, clothes and junk AND the cleaning lady is getting her groove on today so there will be no complaining from his highness.  Nothing says we are happy you are back then a snarky remark about my incompetence in cat care or the mismanagement of toy organization.  His highness could benefit from a trash bag and a purge of shoes and clothes.  Just saying.

I watched Molly last night and it was very, only the strong will survive with toddler brooms being flung about and banged against the Cozy Coupe while "washing it."  Also brushing each other's hair with the scrub brush and random fits of anger at a nearby cat.  Also, Molly eats.  She just eats.  It was weird.  I went a little crazy and made her three different dinners as it was like a science experiment.  While making fish sticks, LO started crying.  CRYING to stop making food as it was that PAINFUL to WATCH. I was a little bit winded as feeding two kids was kind of hard.  One would spill her drink while the other one was requesting the SAME BLUE SPOON in loudish voices.  Then something would drop on the floor and there were TWO people telling you OOPS-A-DAISY.  One would want some love and then another would want love without the other one.  Maybe it was me being a bit tired and  LO being sick but I felt like I wasn't on top of my game.  Also, if we ever have two kids, they are eating naked outside in an area that can be easily hosed off, possibly a rubber type material.  I totally understand why that crazy Kate+8 used disposable plates. 

Are you wondering about the house that we bid on with a FULL price offer.  Yeah, its not looking good.  As I continue to purge our current house and give away random furniture like half of the living room, we are becoming less hospitable to guests.  My dad visited on Monday during the day and the nanny, LO and him all hung out on my BED watching Thomas the Train on the iPad.  Does it get any weirder or more RANDOM?? LO was allowed to watch due to her illness and we don't use the TV in the living room and SUDDENLY everyone is in my BED! We continue moving forward with moving--thank g-d, as we are cleaning out the storage unit this weekend.  When asked if DH would be parting with his dozen boxes of TAPES, he focused on my two boxes from my ENTIRE LIFE filled with useless things like YEARBOOKS and my wedding dress.   

My dad brought LO a princess backpack in a horrid hot pink color made of some vinyl material with a garish plaid bow attached.  I was THRILLED but he redeemed it by putting a nice book on ladybugs in it, a cool crayon, socks and stickers ALL with no princesses floating about.  I wasn't angry, I just used my best reward the good part of the gift voice and shrugged it off.  LO seemed puzzled by the gift and insisted that it sit in the corner and not be opened.  Sound familiar? DH will "file"bills/gifts without opening them.  Crazy.  Off to more important topics, like what to eat for lunch.


Monday, May 21, 2012

Daddy is in Heaven or London

The weekend got off to an exciting start with LO announcing to everyone that her daddy was in Heaven.  Yes, HEAVEN.  Not once but EVERY time to everyone that asked.  We don't discuss heaven as it is not big on the Jew radar so it was more than a little disconcerting.  I decided that we needed some quality time spent doing fun stuff and discussing that Daddy was in London and had not gone to HEAVEN.  On Saturday, we brought some cherries to Grandpa Irv and decided to hit up the mall near him for some Target action.  We went into Neiman Marcus which shares a mall with Target and LO was so impressed that she announced loudly that she LOVED Target and this Target was sooooooo nice.  I told her that it wasn't Target quite yet and she walked around saying, "NOT TARGET." 

On our way to Target, we stopped off at the carousel and she was so excited.  She was dancing and talking about riding on the horsies. 

Then it started and she started screaming to take her off the demon machine.  So far, no fun had been had at this point.  We got off the carousel and she walked over to the guy with the remote control cars and she handed them all to him and said, "Don't do that." Then walked away.  When he tried to put them on the ground again, she told him sternly, "Too loud!" BUT there was a Subway man at the mall dressed up as a sandwich giving out coupons and that my friends was the coolest thing ever.  She said thank you about a billion times. 

So a little fun was had until we got into Target and she was sitting in the cart and DRANK the laundry detergent.  She took the top off and drank out of the cap within the millisecond I turned to look for foam wedges.  I executed a crazy shopping cart race to find water while talking to myself and panicking.  After squirting water down her throat, I read the safety warning and they said to drink water if swallowed.  Okey, dokey.   We headed for home shortly after as I couldn't take much more excitement.  Beyond finding a new use for my Clarisonic involving a paci and her hair, I declared the day over and done for fun.
I headed out for Mom's Night Out and contemplated hitting up a movie instead of the fancy dinner.  Alas, I was happy once I was positioned with my wine and discussing the usual ladies night out topics.  Children, sex, pregnancy and bodily fluids.  LO rewarded me for all of my attempts at fun and being worn out by sleeping until 9 am both mornings.  Bless her.

I felt refreshed enough on Sunday to make another attempt at fun.  We hit up Build-a-Bear which I had never done before.  LO was impressed with the heart part and that was about it.  The concept of clothes or accessories on a bear seemed utterly ridiculous to her. 
As we were heading out to look at houses, LO wanted to hit up Nordstroms to measure her feet.  She loves the foot thingie.  While LO picked out these shoes for me.
I picked up these instead.  I was inspired by Princess Nebraska and I am wondering if I should have gotten a more racy color but this color reminded me of being in elementary school and wearing uniforms.  The excitement of shoes when you wear a uniform is immeasurable.  I remember insisting upon the RIGHT shoes each year.  AND OMG they might be the most comfortable shoe that I have EVER owned.  LO hates them and wouldn't let me wear them out of Nordstroms as we were both wearing sandals and she wanted me to keep my sandals on.  These are the kind of shoes that DH and apparently LO will hate BUT HOT DAMN everyone should own a pair. 

We finished off the weekend with some nakedness with friends, a water table, champagne and cookies in our friend's backyard and dinner with our family.  LOVE.

I had felt that LO was a little short on patience this weekend and long on tantrums which I attributed to ALL of our overwhelming FUN but she woke up at midnight with a massive cold.  Poor thing.  She came into my bed and crawled all over me in her sleep ending up on my neck.  While contemplating if I could sleep with 25 pounds of goodness on me, she yelled, "That monkey has a white shirt, Ew Ew Ew."

Friday, May 18, 2012

My Girl

This morning LO and I headed over to Cedars to meet a new allergist as recommended by our GI doctor in the PLAN.  LO and I reached Cedars and she asked if we were going to the doctor to look at her tummy.  She sucks in her tummy and lifts up her shirt if she thinks someone is talking about her tummy.  As we were waiting, she kept narrating everything that this poor guy waiting did.  "That guy has a blue shirt," "That guy has a phone," "That guy is blowing his nose."  Then she went and stood against the wall mimicking him so he sat down on the ground and then she sat down on the ground.  It was awesome. 

So after a loooonnnnnggggg morning of examining, talking and testing the doctor asked LO if she wanted a toy as she had been so brave.  She told him that she would take the big toy in the exam room.  He laughed and told her the toys were by the door but she was serious and started dragging this large bead thing.  He did ask her if she would like to pick out a toy.  LO was so great and only cried once when they gagged her which was sort of funny as the doctor jumps back immediately after in case of vomit.  All of these GI and food specialists are so scared of vomit.  Welcome to my world, buddy.  I will say that it has been a good amount of time since any large vomitggedons. 

We went and picked up some blue jelly beans on the way home as a treat.  On the way to the car, I told her that she could have one more and then I wanted the bag.  So she didn't eat another jelly bean and just hung onto the bag. 

Oh my, we scrubbed her hand and we couldn't get the blue off.  She keeps screaming and laughing, "MY HAND, MY Hand, hahahahaha.  It's boooo."

The testing went well and they believe that she has outgrown her milk allergy and that it is just an intolerance at this point.  We also discussed elecare for her to get nutrients when she isn't eating due to tummy stuff and almond milk which we will give a try.  She also tested fine for corn so we are going to reintroduce.  He was very positive about her development, language skills and weight.  He said that some people are not carnivores and that she will probably live longer due to her lack of interest in meat and being petite.  He was pretty funny as he told me, "She isn't a calf, she doesn't need milk." 

It is FRIDAY, it feels like SUMMER, and I get to spend the whole weekend with my brave girl with the exception of a Mom's Night Out.  Holla.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Slept On It

Ahhhh sleep and a healthy does of Zyrtec.  I ran out of Zyrtec due to Grandpa Irv being in the hospital and such as I buy Zyrtec when we go to Costco with him.  I really find no reason to go to Costco without Grandpa Irv as he gets so much joy from pushing LO and buying absolutely crazy toys for her.  I finally picked up some and I am a whole new person.   I also decided to start eating regular meals again as I have been lazy about eating and it makes me crabby and snarly. 

LO and I met Molly and Sally at the park last night for a quick run around the park before bedtime and I was bemoaning the size of the house and the location  and the bathrooms.   Sally told me not to buy the house if it didn't meet my checklist.   CHECKLIST?! You are allowed to have one in So CA?! In our price range?? So do I have a checklist?? What would it be??

My checklist
A kitchen with an island where I could prepare food with LO and TWO ovens if we are making a dream checklist
Large closets with organizers
Awesome backyard for parties and an easel for LO with landscaping and tables and different areas for bike riding and water tables and sidewalk chalk AND, AND a place where we could lay out a blanket on grass and look at the moon and talk about the stars. AND, AND, AND a place for a bouncy house during a party.  AND, AND, AND so I could have all my mommy friends over so we could drink and talk and they could play in an enclosed area. 
Big bathrooms with heated stone floors
Streets with sidewalks and nice people and other kids
GREAT public school
A playroom
Filing cabinets
A comfy chair to read a book
A table to eat together
A place for the cats to sit in the sun and possibly go outside
Cat box away from living areas
Office for John away from the house where he can listen to the Grateful Dead and arrange things
Laundry room
Central heat and air
NO freeways or crossing a freeway to get to the office OR LIVING where you can hear a freeway or airport

I made my checklist and I realized that we are falling short in a few areas such as bathrooms and large closets BUT this house has possibilities.  It has room to expand and grow.  Isn't that what we all want anyway, is the possibility for greatness?? Ok, I am slowly falling in love but hoping to avoid the soul crushing loss of another house.  Please see my rear end for the fall out of house disappointment. 

I will post pictures of my "proximity" to famous people if we get the house.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Penny for Your Thoughts

I have been a big time blog cheater lately with short stories and an array of pics.  I haven't been that fired up about much these days.  So a few things:

There is a new house that is small but has a backyard and an office where DH could go do whatever he does.  It has two bedrooms so if there were any more children, they would have to live in the garage.  Did I mention that the house is small and it is giving me anxiety.  DH is out of the country and can't see the house.  I took pics.  It is very outdoor/indoor living.  It has less bathrooms than we have now.  There is no place for the cat box.  Ahhhhhhhh.  Plus side, it is not at the end of the airport runway.   LO could be in the backyard ALL the time.  We could definitely have parties.  You can park on the street and WALK on the street.  LO could go to the PUBLIC elementary school. 
I have finally talked to the GI doctor and we seem to be on the same page with a PLAN.  I even booked an eye appointment for LO to get her OFFICIAL strabismus release from all of the torticollis/eye nonsense.  Yeah, two years old and finally recovering from GESTATION and BIRTH. 
LO is killing me lately with all of her talking.  She is really hilarious and points out the best stuff.  We were visiting Grandpa Irv the weekend before last and she kept pointing to older people and saying, "Not Adele."  Adele is Grandpa's lady friend.  Men and women who had short haircuts. 

The nanny told me that she points out everyone at Coffee Bean that is "Not Kelly."  I guess that is her favorite barista. 
I bought LO some watercolors and she has been painting both of us when I get home from work.  She puts the paintbrush in the color and then water and then paints.  She would rather paint from the water.  She also casually walks over to the cat and starts painting the Mama cat very nonchalantly.  I am just happy that we switched from clown paint to water colors.  The cat stays every time which is crazy.
I watched "We Bought a Zoo," alone and cried while clutching the Mama cat. 
LO attends a music class on Mondays with the nanny.  Another nanny at the class has requested that LO have a play date with her little person.  I guess the mom had instructed the nanny to find children for a play date.  Weird? Our nanny met the mom but it is making me uncomfortable.  They want LO to come to their house which is one street over from our place.  I told them that I would have to think about it.  I am going to suggest a play date at the park.  The mom said I could call her but what the heck do you say?  Are you a criminal? What if I called and decided against it? How do you feel about it?  She is TWO with a bike and a LOT of toys AND a nanny to entertain her. 
I went to my annual eye exam yesterday with my very theatrical optometrist who had just returned from a conference on corneal tears.  I had skipped lunch and I almost passed out.  Supposedly, I am at risk and he wanted to INFORM me of what to watch out for.  THEN, he took a picture of my eyeballs from "some new technology that he invested in" to check for tumors.  I have a mass deep in my eyeball that we need to watch.  I should call him immediately if I LOSE my vision.  Yeah, I think that I could figure that one out.   Also, thoughts? Second opinion? Don't worry about it.
There are people protesting for Palestine outside and I want to drop a water balloon on them.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Mother's Day

This is the time of year where I tell you about my wonderful Mother's Day.  Insert Hallmark moment here with white sheets, blond children, breakfast in bed and a lot of homemade bizness.  I then post some pics of brunch.  All of that is wonderful, but it is a lot to expect.  It is a lot to expect a small person to know it is "your day."  I spend 95% of my time working, sleeping or taking care of LO.  On Sundays, DH gets up with LO and I am alone and not working.  I really just wanted some time alone where DH took care of LO.  I want LO to be with another parent or family member if she is awake and I am not working.  I would rather skip the activity if she has to be with a babysitter as she spends all week with the nanny.  So I booked a day at a spa for Saturday.  I found a Groupon for a massage, facial, mani and ped with champagne and hung out.   I even stopped for gelato on the way home.  It was fan-freaking-tastic.  My favorite elements--spa, champagne and a COUPON! I even ordered a sandwich for myself as all that relaxing made me hungry. 

So when Sunday rolled around, I expected a card from LO (which I told DH so there was no misunderstanding) and to sleep in a bit and not much else.  LO came in and told me "Happy Mother's Day," which was very sweet and there were cards.  LO opened up a mailbox from grandma so there was some playing in bed and then we went to breakfast. 

After crepes at the Farmer's Market, DH asked what I would like to do and I suggested picking out shoes for Mommy.   Hello, beautiful.

I saw a lot of moms looking tortured on Mother's Day holding carnations, who obvs didn't have the GREAT idea to spend part of the weekend AWAY from their young kids.  You know that is ALL that dads want to do on Father's Day.  I would have felt sad spending Mother's Day without LO so I have officially declared the Saturday before Mother's Day to be SPA DAY.   Spread the word.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Thanks for all the support on my FREE photo contest.  Now I can get THIS in HUGE size for my office.

Whiny Wean

LO is off the drugs.  I haven't really posted about the X-rays and the other stuff.  It happened and I was traumatized.  We have eliminated all dairy from her diet which has helped tremendously.  Unfortunately, there is still something going on as I hear it in her throat and gulping which sucks.  I am not ready to go back to the meds or go further with testing.  She is easier to get frustrated and cry these days but I don't know if it is pain or her age.  I am giving it another week until I tell the doctor that we are off to see if everything improves.  I am hoping to find a fantastic pediatric allergist that can maybe assist with eliminating something else from her diet. 

In other news, my new name is "Honey." As in, "Honey, more blueberries PLEASE!" Or,"Honey, your crayon is broken.  Use this crayon, Honey." "Honey, more fresh raspberries, Honey." "More tea, Honey?"  DH and I NEVER say Honey.  Honey reminds me of some Mad Menesque work environment where I am being asked to get coffee for the men.  I had heard her say it once or twice but "Honey" was in full force this morning.  I say that I love every age but I am loving this age. 

Last night, I let her paint herself, the cat and me with blue clown paint.  On out trip, we got matching hearts on our hands.  This small activity was the COOLEST thing for LO.  She has talked about the hearts since we got back.  I have been trying to find a place to get hearts painted again but then I can't motivate to get my rear in gear.  So I came up with a genius idea to buy the paint and do it myself.  So I painted the requested blue heart on my hand and showed LO.  I expected leaps of excitement as blue hearts on our hands is the center of 90% of our conversations over the last month BUT she really wanted to "Do it myself." Maybe it had been a long day or maybe my inner hippie came out but I decided to let her go to town.  ALSO, in my defense, the cat just SAT there.  Wow, that stuff really goes far.  As I had not done any testing, I was a bit worried about the permanent effect but it all came off nicely.  I let the cat take care of herself at her leisure. 

Yeah, it's a random post.

Monday, May 7, 2012

5 years

DH and I celebrated five years of holy terror wedded bliss marriage this weekend.  I really thought about our marriage and what I would post on the blog.  I was going to post my beautiful wedding pictures AGAIN.  Then I was going to illustrate with MS Paint the stages that your marriage goes through after the wedding plates get chipped or the luxurious towels get washed too many times.  Or what really happens after you have a child.  I could give some wisdom to all of the newbies or engaged folks but they probably appreciate advice as much as I do. 

So I will just say that marriage is HARD.  I could go into the origin of marriage and who really decided that we should go off as a twosome and form a life together.  Obvs a man.  I love DH and I wake up most days happy to be sharing my life with him.  I could say every day but that would be a lie as some days, I wake up and wish that I lived on a little island in Greece with a pool boy wielding a palm frond.  Stuff gets hard and then it gets easier and then it gets hard again.  DH is a great supportive partner who loves me and LO very much.  I couldn't ask for more in a husband.  I would miss him on that island...... eventually.  I love you, DH.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Bike Riding

Wow, bike riding seemed like it was going so well.  We demonstrated.

So much family bonding.

Things were a little sideways the first day.
Then, I don't know things started to slide and that "bike hat" that LO requested may be a good idea.

Let's just use the bike in areas where we excel.