Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Fair

Oh, how many times were you told that life isn't fair as a kid? You either had parents that counted presents and candy to try and be fair or parents that told you life wasn't fair so deal with it.  I find that most adults aren't fair and kids definitely only see their way.  City or suburbs, people don't play fair.  They say and do hurtful things without regard for other people's feelings or seeing something from another person's perspective.  I count myself among the people that judge too quickly, stubbornly keep quiet when a sorry or kind word is needed and take an extra long turn.  I rationalize my behavior by not  asking for help or taking anything from anyone that doesn't want to give it freely without strings.  This is all fine for a 29+ person with a job and home in good health.  Unfortunately, I have a two year old that I am responsible for teaching about the world, life and people.

How do you teach a 2 year old about taking turns when other parents allow their kids to grab toys and not share?  How do you teach your child to speak with kindness first when she hears other people say unkind words? How do you teach her to take the high road in fights when so many people are eager to engage in road rage, e-mail combat and online nastiness?

We went to our big 2 year appt yesterday and I was talking to the pediatrician about pre-school, potty training and behavior.  I told her my biggest concern about LO's behavior is her passiveness around other kids her age.  She is quick to give up a toy if someone else wants it and really just stares and tries to understand when another child acts out against her.  I see her will herself not to cry, when her feelings are hurt or when she gets a shot, it breaks my heart.  She looks to me to explain and I really have no idea what to say. I also discussed my decision to keep her home another year before pre-school due to her passiveness and her size (shout out to the 10% kids). The doctor told me that one day she will get angry enough to deal with other kids when I asked her how I should explain other kids hitting or being "unfair."  So we all have to be angry enough to deal with each other?? That answer really isn't good enough for me.  How do you explain being a "good" person to your kids when kids and adults don't always play fair?

And the shots and exam, she wouldn't even let me hold her during either, she just stared that nurse and doctor down and didn't even give them the acknowledgement of a flinch.  Crying is for suckas!