Thursday, December 22, 2011

Ta Das

I have seen a lot of To Dos for 2012 floating around the ol' Internet so I thought I should write some shizz down so that I remember what I wanted to do instead of wandering aimlessly through life, which will probably happen anyways.

2012, you ol' crazy gal

Turn officially old and be happy.  So what if you thought you would retire and travel the world at this age when you were 16.  You also thought that the world kind of ended when you turned 30 and that didn't happen.

Go on a big trip.  The kid can walk and tell you when she is hungry and when she went to the bathroom.  It is time to load her up, put a rolly bag in her hands and get moving.

Buy a house which may conflict with the above but hot damn, it is time to move and rent our place and then never drive down that street again.

Pilates at lunch, after work or on Saturdays. 

Delivery meals to go bye, bye and home cooked meals a go, go.

Clean out the storage unit and throw 90% away.  I'm talking to you DH and your tape collection.  Clean out the house as well.

Make a final decision on pre-school for the love of all that is holy.

There are a few others but I like to keep everyone guessing a bit.  Even myself.

Finally, I leave you with some of my fav pics of 2011 and my fav video.

Have a great holiday and look for my tweets from my MIL's house! Bwahahahaha

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Real Friends

Real friends let you jump on their beds with no pants on.

Short Stuff


LO says assy when she means sassy.
She went to see Great Grandpa Irv on Sunday night with her auntie and he gets so excited about how intelligent and polite she acts.  She went around and said hi to everyone and told them her name.  This week apparently she is good with her real name.
LO likes it when I spray saline drops up her nose as it freaks DH out.  I don't have to chase her to do it and it is hilarious.
LO has started cleaning up everything including putting the bath toys away before she gets out of the bath and hanging up her towel.  She isn't quite flipping the light on and off 24 times before she leaves a room but I am pretty sure that is coming.   She puts her clothes away and straightens up her crib as well.  Strange and worrisome, yes.  Do I have the energy to worry, no.
Tomorrow is my last day of work until 2012! YESSS!
I changed our hotel for NYC on a whim yesterday and I feel good about it.  They sent me a follow-up email asking if I wanted to possibly upgrade our room and I said HELLS to the BELLS, YES.
LO has started loudly reading books out loud when I am reading to her.  She will grab another book and try and talk over me.

Things that Make Me Sigh

Wednesdays in our house represent the crazy.  Our crazy cleaning lady comes every other Wednesday and without fail that is the day DH wants to either work from home or just be home.  He asks me to reschedule almost every time.  Nine other work days and that is the day he wants to be home.  By the time, Wednesday rolls around, I am scared of our house.  Crazy Maria adds to the noise level and is straight crazy.  Three people in our small house for the day makes me run out of the front door on Wednesdays. 

Wednesdays are also lug the thirty pounds of dry cleaning to the dry cleaner for 50% off day and that is a pain in the ass for some reason.
My grandfather reiterated that I am going to the coldest place on Earth and asked if my MIL had a warm house.  I really hate being cold.
LO and I still have nasty coughs and she is really congested.  I can't decide if I should take her to the doctor before we go.  
DH is a habitual, crazy over packer and we all have to carry his stuff in our bags.  I long to only have my own crap in my suitcase and LO's crap.  I may get the chance to start out with my own stuff but his crap will work its way into my purse and suitcase.  Also, it will take him twice as long to pack for ONLY himself.  This sometimes irritates me a wee bit. Hugs, DH.
I feel like I found the perfect white elephant gift except the party was last weekend and I will have forgotten by next year.
I finally found a cat sitter but she looks CRAZY in her pictures. sigh

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Before a trip, I don't really think about it and then I reach a tipping point and I become SO FLIPPING EXCITED that I can't sit still for EVEN a second.  I start looking stuff up online to DO and then I can already taste the champagne at the Champagne Bar and having LO makes it SO DAMN FUN.  I am not excited for the freezing COLD weather but I am excited to take a trip with LO and DH.  I have printed out a map with POIs and I am already PLANNING.  The only downside is that I get reaaaallllly antsy upon arrival that we are NOT engaging in FUN every second.  I am going to take advantage of staying with John's family to unload LO on them have LO spend quality time with them and go see a movie at night.  The last movie I saw was Babies with LO, yeah its been awhile.  I am dying to see The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and I already looked up movie times. 

We are going to NYC for a few days after spending time with DH's family in BFE upstate NY.  AND that is where all of the planning is being concentrated.  FAO Sschwartz for LO, Dylan's Candy Factory for ME, Champagne Bar for EVERYONE.  I haven't been to NYC since before I was pg and I can't wait.  I do have some jealousy for everyone going on a beach vacation but the gnome under my shirt is pretty happy not to bare his soul in a bikini.  DH and I were discussing the gnome and he is pretty sure it was a shadow or trick lighting.  That is why I married him.  Are you in a frenzy or a tizzy? Or is all the chocolate at the office making you half hyper and half subdued?

Monday, December 19, 2011

Shegetz Struggles

I wanted to let y'all know that I am in a gang.  I went to a gang party this weekend with my crew (LO) and one of the gang members and I were discussing a recent article that she posted on Kveller about celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas in the same house.  She is a shiksa trying to bring out the religion in her husband while exposing her child to the Jewish traditions.  I thought the article was very interesting and well written, even if the ham and latke combo made me quiver. 

Most of the peeps in my gang are trying to meld together two cultures or religions to expose the children to a blend of mommy and daddy.   Being married to a shegetz, I get it.  It would be easier if we were from the same background but that seems to happen less and less these days or I am in the wrong gang.  Her article was in response to this article saying that you can't celebrate both and if you are going to celebrate one then it should be Christmas.  WHAT? In my opinion that is crap and not how I was raised,  we celebrated Hanukkah and went to my mom's side of the family on Christmas Eve for dinner and presents under the tree.  There was no mention of Jesus, just family games, presents and sugar.  Some of my best memories with my family are from those evenings but I wouldn't give up being Jewish for it.

If we had a gun to our heads, we would forsake Christmas as that is the only thing that we acknowledge of the religion.  Ok, one more thing, my Jewish grandma always lets me dye the hard boiled eggs before she made egg salad for her ladies lunch when I was growing up.    Considering the .99 dye kits were only available at a certain time of the year, did we inadvertently acknowledge Jesus' Resurrection rendering us bad Jews and exposing her friends to not only bluish eggs but some sort of penance?

So many families have found beautiful ways to meld together two cultures.  Isn't knowledge and understanding of other people's beliefs the way to less conflict or are all of the "mixed" couples ruining EVERYTHING?

Friday, December 16, 2011

Working for the Man

I got a text over the weekend asking if I was happy in my current position and would I be interested in applying for another position close to my home.  I asked for flex hours and significantly more money and they said it was possible to do one or the other.  I passed the job to one of my friends also looking for the same type of position and decided not to apply.   I committed to my current job and I like to work a certain amount of time and then reevaluate.  I took a quick peek at my friend's resume and holy cow, it was like looking at the dream career path minted in gold and jewels.  Good or bad, I do not have the golden resume and grad school that would make me CMO of a Fortune 100 company.  I have never wanted to be CEO but I wouldn't turn down CMO.  

I tell myself A LOT that one parent's career has to take a backseat and it should be mine and I want the time with LO but a small part of me feels the pull.  I'm not the sharpest cookie cutter and my credentials aren't the shiniest but I make up for it in ambition and street savvy, (I mean Wall Streetesque savvy, not fistie cuffs).  DH suggested getting rid of my war torn roller bag that has accompanied me on every biz trip and around Europe and I declared that we must fix it ALL costs.  So what if it is more likely to see diapers and loveys than business attire and heels.  Career g-ds, please don't pass me by as a small part of me will always feel/need the adrenaline from a big work win.  How will I have my second career if I don't complete my first career to my satisfaction? I would rather be labeled a great mother than a great businesswoman but I don't believe one can be forsaken for the other in this story.   Are you letting your career slide and how far will you let it go?

Thursday, December 15, 2011

My Perfect Day

Cue the opening music from Legally Blonde--the first ONE.

I have a birthday next month that I am dreading because it is a BIG one and if I don't plan something we can be promised that it will be spent similar to my 29th birthday where I cried through birthday cocktails, dinner and dessert in a nice restaurant.  DH who was DB then seemed a bit embarrassed but said he understood.  I think he is all for not repeating that same scene.  So for the past few months, I have been trying to decide what I wanted to DO.

Idea #1
Have a big blow-out party where we all drink and dance and HAVE FUN.  Except that everyone I know has kids and gets tired at 10 pm AND no place strikes my fancy.  Also, there was that unfortunate incident at DH's 40th bday that shall remain not talked about.  I mean he will be 45 soon and I can just throw him the BIG party.

Idea #2
Go on a trip with my oldest bestie who is also turning the same age.  Except that finding a nice place that can accommodate 2 moms and babies is proving to be difficult.  Houses require a week or more to rent in the winter months.  Maybe wait until later in the year and then it is really not a b-day activity.

So I think the below is my perfect day, although it might be a bit tough to achieve:

Wake up at the Four Seasons in Santa Barbara where a breakfast burrito from Cantina in Isla Vista is waiting for me and some champagne.

Go to the spa for a massage and shower and then onto ATVs in Santorini Greece for a cruise around the island.
After seeing some sights.....
 Find a place on the water to have lunch
Then back to suite overlooking the caldera to hang with friends
And watch the sunset
After the dip, I would go to the hot chocolate bar at the Ritz in Half Moon Bay, CA
Before a walk along the ocean and then lemon crab pasta at Pasta Moon
After dinner, I would like to drink Grande Dame champagne while eating Pierre Marcolini milk chocolate and almond bars AND Vic's mint chip ice cream, while sitting on a blanket on the grass gazing at the Eiffel Tower talking to DH about our future dreams.

Finally a night cap with friends at Sunnyside in Lake Tahoe and quick karaoke session before lights out in my own bed.

If that happens, I don't think a single tear will drop.  Just saying.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Before the Kiss

I don't want you to think that LO is fast in the sense that she is a lady of the night or comes on strong.  Her make-out sessions started out with a tentative wave to say hello.
And some conversation with mutual admiring glances.
And some snacks.
She is a classy lady.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The Hair and The Gnome

It could be a fairytale or a NIGHTMARE.  I was sent a pic of the hair in all of its glory over the weekend due to my lack of picture taking, it was one of the first times I could study the hair.  I would have spent time studying the hair but I was taken back by the GNOME  under my shirt.   Just so you know, I was sucking it in.  Look at my smile, just saying I am sucking it in and have NO CLUE about the gnome under my shirt.
I am posting this picture to remind myself that when one buys these cookies "for the office," one should not scarf down 90% of them.   These cookies rock my world:

Damn the chocolate French schoolboy and his lovely biscuits.   What is making gnomes appear for you lately??

Is It Summer Yet?

I could tell you about the sucky parts of my weekend and how returning to work on Monday didn't seem like the worst idea and then the nanny called in sick OR I could tell you about a fun new family tradition and some pictures. 

Family Fun
LO and I hit the Walgreens toy aisle as I lacked the fortitude to get my rear to Target and we were pleasantly surprised by the selection.  We were able to pick up a number of toys for Spark of Love.  I baked cookies and we went as a family to our local Fire Station to give cookies to the firefighters, drop off the toys and get a tour of the station.  I had wanted to bake cookies to drop off on 9/11 but couldn't get it together.  LO and DH were both impressed with the fire trucks and they invited us back when she is a bit older. 

I read MODG and she started a forum for people in need and people with stuff to give and while I considered putting my pie maker under the "In Need" section, I decided to check myself and volunteered LO's clothes and some diapers to one of the moms.   Usually, we adopt a family and I am all over people to donate stuff and we have done home challenged bags for our local neighbors, but I wasn't feeling it this year.  We donated toys to the Toys for Tots and the CHP version in addition to Spark of Love as well but I still wanted to help someone directly.  Her site is very grassroots and not "screened" but sending LO's clothes and some diapers to a single mom of two feels okay and not like someone is going to steal my identity.  Check it out!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

I Love Me

Stop watching us.
We are ignoring you.

Friday, December 9, 2011


It's FRIDAY and I need a NAP but enough about my first world problems.  Only NINE more days until I am off work for ELEVEN days and so what if I am traveling to the coldest place on Earth, I can drink wine and hold LO and kiss DH at will.  I had some concerns about being at my MIL's house for an extended period of time but I am feeling better about it. ALSO, I surprised ordered THIS for her house for LO.  BWAHAHAHAHHAA.  I would have preferred the rocket ship as you know I'm not big on the princess junk but this was eight dollars cheaper and more obnoxious.
My other thanky parts are to all the peeps that have been commenting as of late as you have been cracking me up lately, "Man Cold" from Elsha and rectal thermometer musings.  I also call the big BS to those of you that are saying you let your kids blow their own nose.  LO can blow her own nose and wipe her face BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  Oh wait, I am supposed to be thanking y'all.  I have also loved all of the holiday posts as it is comforting to think of you JUST TRYING TO MAKE SOME G-DAMNED FAMILY MEMORIES.   This is GO season for so many and I LOVE it.  Keep on truckin' with all the December cookies and merriment.  Lastly, if you are linking to my blog and you are not listed on my blog roll, call me OUT on it in the comment section.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

What Happens After Your Kid is Sick?

Yes, LO gave her cold to me and then DH.  I knew that I would get her cold and it is really not that terrible.  I feel tired and I have a sore throat, cough and runny nose.  It is the winter, we have colds and we will all make it.  With the exception of DH who needs handling.

DH dramatic whisper: I'm sick, can you get me __________?

Me: I'm sick too maybe you could turn out the light yourself?

DH: You're sick?

Me: Yes, I choose not to act like I'm dying.

DH: But I am REALLY sick like when I was in 'Nam and had gangrene and agent orange exposure.

Me: You seem a little young to have been in 'Nam.

DH: I watch a lot of documentaries.

Me: Are you going to work?

DH: No, I'm too sick.

Me: Oh well I was just thinking if you stayed home, you could take LO to school or go on the new school tour as both things are at the same time.

DH dramatic cough: I'm too sick to do anything. 

Me: Yeah, I have to go to work as I have no sick days or vacation as I'm using them all to go visit your mom where it is a million degrees below freezing. 

DH: You can't guilt me into doing anything.

Me in my mind: Death to your soul.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

White Elephant Idea of the Day

Booty Pop Enhancing Underwear


I love online shopping like it's my job.  The price comparing, the reviews, the sheer joy of ordering and receiving.  Lately, we have been receiving a ton of catalogs and it is feeding my crazy.  LO and I snuggle on the couch and open holiday cards and look through catalogs together. LO enjoys the PICTURE cards the BEST (side eyes Hilly).  So last night, when I received the Williams-Sonoma catalog and THIS was on the on the cover.
I HAD TO HAVE IT! An individual pie maker ON SALE.  But what if I could find it EVEN cheaper?!  I imagined myself throwing parties making PIES.  A pie party! So I brought it up to DH and he seemed a bit skeptical as we have no room, I DON'T LIKE PIE and what about the individual Le Creuset Four Mini Cocottes from last year still in the box.  He had the good graces not to bring up the individual toaster oven tins and cookbook as well.  But then I found a knock-off pie maker for a quarter of the price--could it be???
DH asked me not to buy any pie making machines until we got a bigger house but YOU can and I think YOU SHOULD.  As dreams of my pie parties faded, I decided to console myself with matching western themed flannel pjs for the whole family for New York.   Nothing says you should have let the pie maker slide like MATCHING PJs.  Look for pics of the family bonding in the new year!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

White Elephant

I have a white elephant gift exchange coming up and I love these sorts of party ideas.  Both of these items are speaking to me.   I wish you could see the sheer size and bulk of the snowman but he does seem to be a toddler accident machine with his nails and wood sticking out.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Winners from a Whiner

I was totally gungho on the mascara and cards part of my contest and then the other products faded away a bit.  I have been trying them out and some I liked and others not so much.  The issue is that I have tried Oil of Olay and I have read the research on their products.  I SHOULD LOVE them as they are really well reviewed and receive HIGH ratings but my skin thinks that the OoO lady sucks.  I buy the products and then I get dry and itchy and the hating starts. 

Jess and Elsha suggested Clinique's moisturizer and I used to use it and buy at gift time, but it didn't help much when I became OLD a little longer in the tooth.  So a long segway to a winner, I am using the CeraVe with SPF from Erica during the day and my skin has not become overly angry.   Also, the price is the REAL winner at $14-15. 

Erica also suggested the Physician's Formula eye shadow 10 pack which are cool but I have a fear of owning that many eye shadows.  What if I was feeling crazy and wore five all at once or do certain colors have to go with other colors?  BUT I did like their eyebrow pencil as it had one of those brushes on the end so I can smoosh my drawn in brows to look normal and not like a crazy person.  So she is the winner for the EYE portion as well.

Am I missing anything?? Keep me honest, people.

Questions for YOU

I can ponder certain questions for hours but this is what I am pondering right now:

1.  When do you stop using the rectal thermometer? What do you use next?

2.  When do you stop sending out monthly pictures of your baby to your friends? Your family? Your parents?

3.  What do you call gas and poop to your kids? Right now LO thinks poo poo is hilarious. She also likes to say gas.

4.  How do you get the nose clean when it is a gooey mess? Nose freida seems a bit strange at the toddler age?

5.  If your child insists her name is something different than her given name, do you go with it or insist REPEATEDLY that isn't her name?

6.  If your husband hides items from you and then they "magically" appear when you return from a weekend away and he insists you are the crazy one, do you hide his wallet or his car keys?

7.  Are you worried about Teflon? If yes, what pans have you bought to replace Teflon and do you like them?

Screaming Toddler on a Plane

LO and I took our mommy and me trip this weekend to visit one of my oldest and bestest mommy and baby friends for some holiday winter fun.  We started off the trip by LO flinging drinkable yogurt all over both of us before we took off but I would NOT let the rank smell spoil our FUN.  We landed and went straight to milkshakes and hot dogs where LO drank a vanilla milkshake like we should have put an IV in her for the "ice" goodness.   We then ventured to Fairytale Town which she LOVES and my hippie heart approves.  There is a Mother Hubbard shoe slide, a Big Cheese to climb in, three little pigs and some other general non sponsored or branded stuff.  There is even a special key that you insert into old decrepit boxes to hear a song or story.  We hung out in a big tee-pee and talked about general kid stuff like being 4 and three quarters. 
Both kids fell asleep on the way home and we decided to just drive to let them sleep.  Moments like those are when I really wish we could get on some Jetson like innovation where cars could drive themselves and we could drink champagne and eat cookies and just chat and snooze or watch reality television.

LO tends to be the younger kid in a lot of situations which has given me a chance to watch different parents explain "babies" to their older kids.  So now that she was the bigger kid, I decided to take the approach that the baby just automatically wins and we need to give the baby what he wants.  She was cool with the concept but felt the need to demonstrate how a lot of his toys worked.
I really enjoy taking mommy and LO trips together, but the strange beds tend to result in the death grip of love.
On the way home, we were both tired and the unthinkable happened, LO lost her paci before the plane took off.  I give her a paci on take-off and landing for her ears and general passenger enjoyment but it flew out of her mouth and was lost in the under seat abyss.  She started screaming and I just went with it.  I made sure she wasn't kicking any seats and I was totally fascinated.  I would have been embarrassed if we were in a restaurant or first class but we were in general admission with no seat assignments and nothing I could do.  I tried talking to her for the first 30 seconds and then I just started laughing on the inside. 

How long could she possibly scream? Everyone with kids experiences a similar situation and flying is so disgusting does it really matter anymore?  She lost steam after five minutes and then started talking to nearby passengers as if she hadn't just wanted to claw out their eyes.  People were more embarrassed for me than anything.  She welcomed being home by waking up SIX times last night, only to discover this am that she has come down with a cold.  Winter FUN being had by all!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Incident Report

Side note--I love DH and his individuality and distinct personality.  He is especially great at knowing what he wants and HOW EVERYTHING SHOULD BE according to him.  I try to tell him that bamboo is strong but flexible.  DH has taught me to not take everything to heart and that people will like or dislike you and all of that is ok. Thumbs up, DH.

I took LO to school yesterday and the teacher took me aside to discuss a few things with me as DH had taken her to school before the break so I hadn't been in a few weeks.  Does the teacher needing to discuss items with you bring you the terror? Do they see a learning disability or has anyone else noticed her ABSOLUTE inability to share? Although, I will say that she learned, "Mine" from the other kids at school.  See how I pointed the finger at OTHERS on that one. 

I mean if I was the DEVIL's mother than I would be really scared or maybe just accepting at this point but whatever.  She was wondering if I had talked to DH about the incident that happened when he took her to school last time? INCIDENT? He told me that he had questioned their need for donations when we pay to go to school there.  I had thought in my mind, "Eeeeek dude, the one week you take her and they hit you up for money.  I should have told them to let me handle all the "stuff" and not to worry his pretty little head about any of that junk."  He said he refused to take the folder with all of the donation stuff, sigh.  So I said no he didn't mention any incidents as clearly his grumpiness towards childcare costs and donations can't be considered an INCIDENT. 

Then she brought up his concerns about the program as a whole and I started to see our chances of being accepted into the program slipping away as we are on a TRIAL basis.  From my understanding and his apparent amnesia on the subject, there was an incident at the water table with HIM, NOT LO.  He was upset about the baby washing area and the water.  So he took it upon himself to dump out the water.  HOW DOES THAT WORK? Where did he dump the water? Was the table forcefully dumped while 2 year-olds looked on? Were there shivers of fear as a crazy man yielded a table above his head and projectile threw it???  I assured her that I would discuss with him and she felt that it was better that she discuss "the program" with him.  Is that program as in get with THE PROGRAM, give us the checkbook and go on with your bad water table throwing self AT HOME or else?

DH is so loving and supportive of LO and me and works so hard but dude is crazy.