Monday, September 26, 2011


Holiness may be a bit confusing over here as I celebrate Jewish holidays and the commercialized version of Christmas.  I was raised as a Jew who celebrated Christmas as my mom's family made Christmas Eve a big deal and some of my best memories include family get togethers of ridiculously long Christmas Eves.  Short on religion, long on good food, loads of presents and games and tons of hilarity.  DH was raised by his Church going mother but claims Judaism if anyone inquires or sometimes if they don't.  We are raising LO as a Jew baby who will also celebrate family togetherness during Christmas Eve.  Great for kids at the holidays, hell for me in December.  Now that we have cleared that bizness up, LO and I will be celebrating Rosh Hashanah this week and DH will join if he can break free of his business reviews.

My aunt invited us to attend services at her temple as tickets are hard to come by for the holidays if you don't belong to a temple.   We don't belong as we are lazy we are searching for the perfect temple for all of our craziness faith.  So they are having children's services which I am excited to attend with her.  I was also contacted by a JEW BABY CONCIERGE who will help you find the perfect Jewish services for your kids.  She emailed me MULTIPLE different activities taking place over the next two weeks that are ALL free.  I also found a temple with a new preschool that has openings for 18 month olds IMMEDIATELY.  Hey DH, if we don't have time to talk or IM before you read this blog post, Oct 11 at 10 am for Jew baby school, k? 

Back to the concierge, some of the services were a little on the edge of too reform as in a rabbi walking on the beach with a guitar with a link to his website to buy his new CD but most were definitely workable.  Contact me if you want the list or want to attend with us.  GO Jew Baby Concierge!

New Smell

This weekend was awesome as it was the first weekend in a long time where there was no working involved.  No 3am list making, quick errand for work or going to the office. We had a fun Friday night play date with Erica and Anna. There was some important cart pushing and construction involved.  I also had a new car delivered Friday night.  Oh yeah, just like pizza BUT a vomit free car. I hate cars as they are expensive and a pain in the ass PLUS I hate getting gas.  ALSO, DH and I will NEVER agree on a car.  He has been harping on me to get a bigger car for all of our junk as in a STATION WAGON.  He also says the same thing about our house.   I would prefer to get rid of some junk but he wants bigger places to put all the junk. 

The car is pretty and smells nice but it is a gigantic BOAT.  I would advise against getting a car delivered at night that you have never SEEN or DRIVEN.  I was in a time crunch as the lease on my last car was up and I needed a car in the next 48 hours and I was still trying to decide what to get.  DH told me I could have anything I wanted.  Hmmmmmm, how about a two seater white Jag with white leather interior.  I don't think that is what he meant.  He meant you can have any car you want as long as it is a BOAT or a station wagon.  One child doesn't warrant a station wagon. I toyed with getting a really safe car but when I challenged the sales guy to demonstrate the anti crash feature, we never heard from him again.  I also thought of buying my own car but the chance for a clean start without vomit proved to be too tempting.  Now if someone can advise on how to turn off the AC in the boat, it would be much appreciated.

Saturday, I went and got a massage, after a fun mommy and me outing, and it was awesome.  There is a cheap massage place near our house that is amazing and I felt so relaxed.  DH, LO and I hit up some sushi Saturday night and I watched the movie, Bridesmaids.  Sunday, it was shower time for my cousin (woot, woot) at the beach where I wore a new dress that could have used an iron. Then off to see g-pa for dinner with the elder folks.  LO is like a celebrity at G-pa's retirement community, she embraces the attention but doesn't like anyone getting too close.  She is similar to Angelina a bit, she doesn't eat and only half smiles. 

Friday, September 23, 2011

Hey, I'm Back

I went to the dark side and worked my little tail off for a bit and now I am back to blogging at work and  dreaming of chocolate cake, gold trim pears and the perfect pair of underwear.  Work was krazy for a bit but I had to earn my keep for the YEAR. I also took Thursday off to take LO to school and find a new general practitioner.  Excitement abounds.  Soooooooo the new school, hmmmmmm.  Have you read the Nanny Diaries or seen the movie with Scarlett Johansen? The scene where the nannies are against the wall while the moms complain about them in an attempt to improve relationships and it is all very bourgeoisie? Imagine something similar but the nannies aren't present and a bunch of SAHM complain about the help.  Ok, its not that bad but it all feels a little snotty pants. 

Also, while I was in the mommy circle while the kids were doing snack, I look over and I see LO by herself at the snack table outside while the other kids and teacher had gone inside.  Ummmm, she was stuck in the chair.  She has just mastered sitting in chairs and they are a little high for her so she straddled the back and couldn't get down.  I walked across the yard to her and there are two OTHER teachers with their back to her oblivious.  There is a two to one ratio of teachers to kids PLUS parents.  You can't help a baby get out of her chair? So let's do a round-up here, snotty, expensive and oblivious.  Which begs the question, will any school EVER be good enough for my precious bundle of goodness? Is this why teachers fear only children? Do you also secretly believe that no one treats your child with the correct amount of love and empathy? Do you secretly long to keep your children safe with you at home in a CONTROLLED environment? Oh its just me, cool.

Monday, September 19, 2011


Trrrrryyyyyiiinnnggggg to get head above water....but mostly just bobbing and sinking. 

Monday, September 12, 2011

Second Hand Advice

I don't always love Betsy's advice and I don't always agree but she posted 10 parenting tips and I thought nine of them were worth reading/reminding.  You can read the full blog post here.

1. There is no such thing as perfect.  Striving for perfection is a road to nowhere. Stop! Turn left! Don’t go there! Expecting perfection from your child (or from yourself) is a mistake. Remove the word from your vocabulary.  Perfection is relative, and it doesn’t really exist. One man’s perfect is another’s failure. Children need to be taught to strive for satisfaction. They need to think in terms of effort—about caring, about investment, about hard work. And parents need to believe that no one ever gives 100% all the time. Someone will always give more, do better, go beyond you.  Sometimes enough is just enough….it isn’t perfect. But it’s good enough.
2. Prepare the child for the path and not the path for the child.  You don’t get to craft a world that works for your child; you need to prepare your child for the world. Removing the stones from her way won’t enable your child to walk life’s path.  Your child needs to learn how to ski the moguls!  It is by allowing her to deal with pebbles and boulders, cracks, crevices, and sink holes in her way that you prepare her for life. And experience IS her best teacher.
3. “A child who has not been bandaged has not been well parented.”  Dr. Benjamin Spock taught us many lessons, but this is my favorite. Children need to struggle, sometimes fall down. They need to get hurt, literally and figuratively. And they need to learn to pick themselves up… with the support of a loving parent. It is through such struggle and sometimes pain that children learn they can survive the bruises and how to do it differently or better next time.
4. You’re only as happy as your least happy child.  There is nothing as powerful as the sinew that connects parent to child.  It is said that having a child is like getting used to your heart walking around outside of your body.  And so it is with the pain your child experiences, physical or emotional. Nothing hurts you as much as the pain your child experiences, the trouble your child is having. I only tell you this so you will be forewarned and know that the ache in your heart is supposed to be there. That’s one of the things that makes you the parent.
5. Nothing happens for no reason. (Yes, this is a double negative; that’s what makes you think about it!)  All behavior is motivated. So often you are baffled by your child’s behavior. Maybe it seems to come out of left field. The truth is, there is a reason, and the tricky part is figuring out what it is. Focus on what might be the cause instead of just reacting to the behavior. And remember, so often the behaviors that come out of thin air are really a cry for attention.
6. One careless yes fuels a child through a thousand no’s.  Especially with young children who have elephant-like memories, stick to your guns.  If one Thursday, six months ago, you caved in to your child’s whining and gave him the cookie right before dinner, he will remember it and relentlessly ask you for a cookie every day before dinner! Don’t sabotage yourself. No means no!
7. Let your child hate you. I know, this one stings. I also know that some people cannot tolerate the word hate. That’s not the point.  Part of growing up is being mad, sometimes fiercely mad at your parents. Do you think your child really hates you…forever and ever? Of course not. But at that moment, you are dirt. It won’t last. So don’t let it hurt your feelings. Your child is just expressing his. And, if you find the word intolerable, go back long after it’s over, an hour later, and discuss other ways for him to express his big, powerful feelings. But don’t guilt him or rob him of his right to feel what he feels.
9. Be the person you want your child to be. Even though you don’t believe it now, the apple really doesn’t fall too far from the tree. Your child is watching you all the time; he is absorbing what you say and what you don’t say, how you react, how you treat people, how you behave.  Modeling is a powerful teacher.
10. The surest way to make life difficult for your child is to make it too easy for him.  Need I say more?

Busy Up In Here

I am lagging on my blogging as I never recapped Miami for y'all.  It was fun, I had a funky spray tan on my legs with one leg significantly darker than the other.  I wore my dress and every time I moved, beads popped off.  I got sick about nine hours into the trip.  My youngest cousin suggested that maybe I was hungover and had forgotten what a hangover felt like.  HAhahahaaaha.  She will be surprised when she has children of the ONLY fun activity that can be done with no TV and computer and other people with kids at 6pm.  I had gotten LO's nasty cold and turned into a snotty gross mess.  Since then I have been working NON-stop and LO's sleeping has been less than stellar.   My cold has just gotten worse, yuck.

The first day of school rolled around last Thursday with me convincing everyone that LO and I were fine and there was no need to skip the FIRST day of school ever.  I put LO in the dress that I picked out six weeks ago.  She freaked out and refused to walk in the boots or wear the dress.
We compromised on an outfit and I wanted a picture in front of our door which she refused to take unless her bike was in the pic.  Then she would only smirk for the photo. Sigh.  I had been dreaming about putting that picture next to her graduating from med school on the mantle in my old age.

 I was not a fan of the preschool for various reasons but LO liked it and claimed a toy car as her own.  As in, don't touch my car or I will cut you.
This weekend LO and I took a short trip together to visit a new baby and spend some mommy bonding time together and again pretend that I am not sick.  We also attended a birthday party where there was a similar issue with a shopping cart as the car at school.
I have been trying to do my picture a day but the pics seem to always be in the same ugly part of our house as it is usually right before bed or us leaving to go do something.

All this fun was capped off with everyone's favorite activity this evening--family pictures.  I can't even talk about it.  Somebody transport me to next Thursday when a lot of my work projects will be over and I can take a moment to relax.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Pic A Day

I realized that LO is growing so fast and I want to treasure every moment and capture it.  I decided to start taking a picture of her a day EXCEPT yesterday sucked.  I'm slammed at work and sick and wahhhhhhhhhhh.  So two days in and I had to settle for a picture of DH with my Breakfast at Tiffany's sleep mask.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Stole My Man

You know how people do outrageous things for a reaction?? I am going to disclaim that might be happening and my rage is for nothing BUT let me tell you something about something.    On the way to work today, I was listening to a VERY popular station with a syndicated morning show and a POPULAR host who also hosts a singing competition. I'm not going to say the character's name as I don't want their publicity antics to work! I really can't stand the guy but they teased that they were going to have a "Reformed Mistress," on the show but in my foggy, benadryl (thanks LO for the cold), early morning mind, I heard "Reformed Madam."  Ok, who doesn't love to hear from a madam!?

So a british lady gets on the air telling the world that it is high season for cheating husbands.  I guess cheating seasons begins after Labor Day and dies down around Thanksgiving and the capital of this cheating world is California.  The REASON that cheating season begins is because these men have to go on FORCED family vacations over the summer.  She is trying to advise these poor women who are getting the wool pulled over their eyes on how to KEEP your husband.  She informed the world that NO ONE can steal your man.  Also, that women need to be the girls that their husbands married.  She capped off the advice with give him loads of attention and lots of sex and you will be able to KEEP your man.

First, I don't think anyone who is not on the Jerry Springer show, uses the term, "she stole my man." Secondly, if there is a cheating SEASON then there is a HUSBAND SHOOTING season and I don't think one causes the other.   I can bet that if we decided to have open season on husbands that the cheating season would be eradicated.  Third, "forced family vacations" really equates to he should work harder so he can go somewhere NICE with childcare.  I hear and read a lot of advice on how to keep your man.  How about I write a book on how to STEAL a woman?? It would be pretty simple and involve a few short bullets.  LISTEN, DO, SMILE, REPEAT

Monday, September 5, 2011

You're Welcome

I organized your kitchen while you were gone.  You can thank me now and later.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Chronicles of Indulgence

I wish that it was acceptable in somewhat polite company to post pictures of your butt online.  It is seriously hilarious right now.  I went to get the spray tan and I wore thong chonies and I have a perfectly brown butt tan line that looks completely unnatural.  DH could not stop laughing at me last night as one of my legs WAS significantly darker than the other one and I had a painted on thong tan. Good times.  So as I have been self obsessed in the last 21+ years few days, I have been having an irrational fear that I will be abducted by pygmies and the last correspondence to the world will be about tanning and hair. 

My biggest worry after something happening to LO these days is something happening to myself.  Sorry, DH.  I would hate for something to happen and she never knew how much I loved her.  I love being a parent to my precious baby.  I am beyond excited/ecstatic to raise her and nurture her and cheer her on.  I look forward to every stage and a little sad at the stages that we have already left behind.  I feel that she really needs her mama and daddy so I am trying to avoid stepping in front of buses at all turns.   I also like to keep the fear of G-d in DH to explain that HE is the person that she will base all of her male relationships on so he should act accordingly.  In my opinion, LO is the smartest, cutest and most lovable baby in the world and deserves everything fabulous including both of her parents to be on their game.  So if you see a group of roaming angry pygmies, please forewarn me and possibly delete any embarrassing posts.