Friday, February 25, 2011

We'll Get Better

I have never received such a large response from a post as I did from my last post.  I listened to my voice mails and was met with just laughter from my friends and IM was blowing up with people laughing virtually.  For those who don't know me personally, I take it all in stride as I can't make up this shite.  It just keeps happening.

I went on my interview at the dude's house this morning and it went pretty well.  I felt like he was an interesting guy and he seemed to like me.   It was weird to be in his house but it was in a really pretty part of town near the ocean.  I stayed for two hours and he gave me a heart filled with chocolate and a signed copy of his book on the way out.

The only strange part of the interview besides the house and the chocolate was that he sat with his computer screen behind him and all of his personal pictures flashed behind him.  It seemed pretty innocent enough and then the rotation seemed to move onto things he scanned so his passport came up and then his investment statements starting flashing.  It was really hard not to look and it may have been a test for which I would have failed miserably as I was drawn like flies to shite.   Thankfully he rambled for lonnnnggg periods of time as I kept staring.  Despite all of these weird things, they have asked me to visit their office on Thursday for one of their group meetings and to meet a few other people.  I think that I would take the job if the people are halfway cool and they don't compensate in hugs.

I also had a phone interview later on in the afternoon for a job that definitely pays in cold hard cash which sounded really interesting but probably not much work/life balance.  My priorities have changed so much after having LO that I can't believe that I will pass up more money.

I know, I know get to the damn IV.....  So I fed the mama cat one time today and she barfed all over the damn carpet.  I pretty much gave up after that as I am not force feeding a cat who is going to barf it up.  So we went to an early dinner with Erica and her family and then we came home.  I put LO to bed ya know like I do EVERY night.

Afterwards, I came downstairs and DH had the same grin that LO has when she knows that she is doing something bad like putting her finger in a plug.  He requested MY help with the IV.  Was it not a short 24 hours before when he said he had it covered??!!  He explains that I should know how to do it.  In case of what??  I hold the poor thing while he inserts it and then I was in charge of the bag.  OMG, when did my Friday nights become so glamorous.  We cap off the IV with a pill which she promptly barfs up in a blue foam and DH turns to me and says, "Don't worry, we'll get better."

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Xray and Ultrasound

It was an exciting day over here in crazy land.  I finally got a call from one of my three good job prospects and had a phone interview this morning.  I felt that it went pretty well except that he told me that going in-house or client side in marketing is like going to the cemetery.  Interesting perspective.  He invited me to his HOUSE for an interview tomorrow.   I feel that it is all on the up and up as he has a home office in addition to the office where I would be working.  But I feel slightly intimidated going to his house and am considering bringing a heavy object in my handbag just in case.  I also received a new request for a phone interview tomorrow afternoon with a recruiter about a job I applied for yesterday.  Good times!

So in my excitement over the job prospects, I had Poppins work part day so she can help out tomorrow and LO and I went on an impromptu play date.   We had a good time but I got a call from the vet while we were there and they told us that Mama Cat possibly had cancer and she had jaundice.  What??? Jaundice? So he wanted me to bring her in right away and I agreed for this afternoon.  We were finishing up our play date and LO took a tumble down two brick stairs and I caught her but not before she gashed her head on a heating vent.  It was not bleeding and she started crying right away but I was concerned about the metal.  So I could either call my normal pediatrician and wait for a call back in a few hours OR call the crazy pediatrician who would answer my question in seconds.  I opted for crazy as it was just a quick question about if she had a tetanus shot.  And so it begins.....

She told us to be there in 20 minutes after she picked up her own phone.  No nurse or receptionist, just her answering her phone.  So our appointment was at 2:30 to see the doc and Mama was at 3:30 for her liver business.  I figured no big deal as she is just looking at a little flesh wound and then I could swing home and grab the cat.  The next thing I know, I am getting an xray at the hospital for LO.  She felt that she had fractured her SKULL.   So I call DH to tell him that yet again I am the worst mother ever and I hope that our child can survive my parenting skills.  She turned out to be fine which was a relief.  We have now officially taken LO to EVERY major hospital in the area.  We are so proud.

Meanwhile, the vet starts calling DH as they are concerned about the cat.  He leaves work a little early to take the cat as I am pooped and can't put LO through the vet experience at this point.  Ummmhmmmm I don't really know what to say about what happens next EXCEPT that he told me the choice was to spend $1,800 or $600.  So in an effort to conserve money but keep the cat alive he agrees to give her an IV instead of leaving her at the vet.  

IN ADDITION to a host of other syringes, medication and food.  We had agreed that  we would not inflict torture on an animal for our own selfish reasons as they don't understand.  But somehow this detoxification of her liver is supposed to cure her and he is trying to convince me that she likes all of it and supports his decision.  So in addition to the thyroid medication twice daily, she needs to be medicated with a pill, fed by syringe three times a day and given an IV at night.  There is also some other mysterious item that needs to be picked up tomorrow that he was too scared to elaborate on.   Here he is with her IV bag.

Water Table

Step2 WaterWheel Activity Play TableDuring my crazy toy spending spree a few weeks ago when the weather was really warm, I decided that LO's childhood would not be complete without an awesome water table.  I ordered some non slip mats for underneath it and we set it up yesterday on our back patio.   She was really into it and I think it is worth it.  I bought it from Kohl's for a little less than Amazon but it took a long time to receive.  I tried to decide between sand and water and I think I made the right decision as I hate sand.  If sand is anywhere in the vicinity, it will make its way permanently into my bed.

I filled the table with warm water and she was occupied for a good amount of time and outside in the sun in our minuscule back area that never gets used.  I have to agree with a lot of the other parents that it kind of sucks that the water tower is not more stationary as it is not attached at all and the boats don't float.  LO didn't seem to care and she just kept throwing the water tower out of the water.  Overall, I think it is a good toy for $30.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Family Photo

I may not have mentioned it in awhile but I am still trying to find a preschool for LO and we needed a family picture for the applications.  Hence all of our failed attempts.  I really only have two viable options and I need your opinion.

Option #1: I feel that this one is not bad.  At least all of us are looking at the camera and no one looks tortured.  I think it says we are sporty and could go hiking at any moment.  We are fun, get out and go type of people. You can see us up early with one of those bike attachments for our kid and then eating a healthy breakfast while breathing in the ocean air.  None of it true but possible.

Option #2: I think this one says, "Hey, we travel with our baby and we are happy about it." We even bought her a seat.  Not true but maybe.

This is what we are working with people and I need your vote.  If I was awesome, I would know how to insert a poll.  Maybe you could tell me how to do it when you vote??

Also, I recently posted my picture on LinkedIn from 2004, the last professional headshot that was taken of me.   Am I lying with this picture? Do I look too young and excited, possibly constipated in this pic?

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


I informed DH that we were going We decided to take LO to the big aquarium near us over the long weekend.  There were a lot of people there but we still got the gist of the place.  LO was really excited about the visitor's guide and would have been happy just looking at the pamphlet and staring at people.

She got really excited being against the glass and looking at the fishes.
We attempted a family picture AGAIN. Fail.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

White Flag is Up

Be warned--This is a somewhat ranty post.  A few months after I gave birth to LO, I started giving my wisdom to other pregnant women.  I would write novels on email on what they really needed, what brands were good and cost saving ideas on strollers, cribs, diapers, wipes, clothes etc.  Sample registries were drawn up as advice and I even advised on how to return horrible gifts to get money to pay for diapers.  I was obsessed that no woman should fall victim to the money hungry baby industry.  I suggested the two books that were essential to any pg woman.  Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy and Baby Bargains so you know exactly what is going on and what you need and don't need.  I offered slightly used items so they could try them before buying.

WHY did I bother??!!  I am still attending showers were the mom has registered for so much useless shite.  They buy the angel monitor to protect against SIDS like something sold at Babies R Us is going to really work.  LO got tested for how often she breathed as a newborn due to some of her issues and they told us that she would set the thing off all the time so not to bother with any of that crap.   Is a normal healthy 8 pound baby from an affluent non-smoking house really going to need the angel monitor??  I am thinking that $500 baby comforter and bumpers are going to be a tad more risky!!  The thing that really spun off this rant was baby vitamins on the registry.  Really??!! Do we already know that the infant is lacking iron?

From now on, I am going to advise anyone that bothers to ask that they should definitely get the jumper, swing and bouncy seat with the matching high chair that can be reclined so they can sleep in it ALL before the baby is born.  Why not throw in the exersaucer and walker as well.  Do you need a snap n go, BOB and umbrella stroller plus your Bugaboo? DEFINITELY.  You should also buy some shoes for your newborn and throw in that cashmere onesie in size NB.   And if you haven't started your baby on Mozart in the womb via special earphones, you are screwed.  Snowsuit in CA--why not? Three different thermometers--absolutely essential.  Do you need a $1,500 crib with matching $1,000 dresser and armoire that they will chew on and throw toys at--yes, yes and yes.  Have at it crazy pregnant ladies as I give up.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Officially Discharged

LO and I visited the Cranio Facial Clinic at UCLA yesterday as I am a crazy person and like to knock out a ton of doctor visits in a short amount of time.   We had a great visit and they officially discharged her from their clinic.  It was pretty cute as the three doctors came in the room and congratulated us and gave us strict warnings about regression, blah, blah, blah.  We drove away and I was a little bit scared as it feels that I am more and more responsible for her health.   The plus side of always having to visit a doctor was that you could run something by them and they could advise. For example, I had LO's ears and lungs looked at when we were there to save me a follow-up visit to the pediatrician for her cold.

In case you were counting, here is where we stand:

Head--Cranio Facial for torticollis which is a neck condition that causes facial and head deformity--Official discharge

Throat--Otolaryngology for laryngolomalacia which is a underdeveloped airway--Unofficial discharge as may have to go back for swallowing/food test

Eyes--Strabismus which is messed up eye alignment/vision--One more appointment in May and I am 95% sure that they will discharge her as well

Tummy--GI Doc--Kind of feels hopeless right now and she is projectile vomiting all over the place.   Our carpets look like a frat house.

Allergies--Another horrible test after she is one year that I am scheming to avoid.  If your kid has an extreme milk protein allergy, how did you try them on other milks like goat or kitten? Wing it or done in a clinic?

So a lot of good news for LO in a short amount of time.  Yeahhhhhhh!! When LO was born, I was a bit sad and a little angry (not at the LO but in general) that we had so much "extra" stuff as I felt so overwhelmed with a new baby.  But I have met some amazing moms who have A LOT of "extra" stuff and I realized how lucky we have been. I have also been impressed at how much UCLA does for their patients.  A lot of the families in the clinics have extreme financial and legal situations that they attempt to deal with for the parents in the interest of the child.  Go UCLA!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Valentimes Day

LO and I spent a romantic day getting a scope done for her respiratory issues.  It usually takes all morning so I was prepared to spend a good amount of time at UCLA yesterday.  BUT little known fact it is the second slowest day (Halloween is number 1) at the doctor's office.  Not really sick kids at the pediatrician but any procedures that are scheduled in advance.  What mean moms bring in their kids on Valentimes (yeah I say it with an M instead of an N) Day?? ME! It was so awesome as we were in and out and had plenty of time to chat with the doctor.

LO is completely healed from her laryngomalacia and I even had time to ask about it showing up in future kids.  She told us that although it is a genetic disorder, it is not necessarily hereditary.  So what does it mean?  She doesn't have to be scoped again, yipppeee! But she does need to start swallowing food instead of pushing it out once it has been chewed.  So after her first birthday, she will go for a swallow/food study if it is still a problem.  I really think that she wants to swallow as she holds her hand to her mouth to keep the food in but it just keeps popping out.  The other good thing is that she is no longer at a higher risk for a host of devilish illnesses which is great as my doctor was harping on me about RSV last week.  I feel that I am really careful but this crazy pediatrician is always rushing to some diagnosis that I just don't see.  I read a lot on the Internet so I am very qualified in the medical field.

We went to the park in the afternoon and then headed home to spend time with daddy for Vday who was supposed to be home early.  That didn't happen and my phone didn't register that he had been calling and my brain started going crazy.  Who doesn't call or come home on V-day?? SOMEONE with another family or mistress!! I was starting to get really angry as I put LO to bed and I was just sitting there angry and wondering where all of the ROMANCE had gone?? Then I looked at my phone again and he had left three voice mails.  Oh.  Well I guess the mistress theory was not panning out.

DH finally came home and we had sushi delivery which is awesome and yummy and delivered by a guy wearing a sushi chef outfit so it feels really authentic.  I ran out and got a slice of cake from Sweet Lady Jane and we watched the Good Wife.  It turned out to be a great day, it could have used a few more romantic poems and sonnets but a good day.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Russian Spy

I think that I may have been a pawn for a larger operation this morning.   A crazy smelly lady came to my house with a jank scale and weighed me for "life insurance" purposes.  I expected a precise sleek scale and she had one that I am pretty sure was obtained at a garage sale in 1978.  She ordered me to drink water in her thick accent for purposes of a urine test and then I heard her doing some weird stuff in the bathroom and then she busted out a tape measure to measure me.  As her wig slipped in front of her thick glasses, I am pretty sure that she read the tape measure wrong as she pronounced me 5'7.5" WTF??? I am and always will be 5'8" bordering on 5'9".  I had to sign a special release saying that I had misrepresented my height.

Then the interesting thing happened that made me realize that all of the blood and urine was a front.  She talked to the Baby Cat for 10 minutes in Russian before demanding to be released from the house as I had "locked her in."  If Armageddon happens in the next few days, we will know that it is all that evil cat's fault.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


Before the LO was born which is like before the whole world changed, I used to be a bit judgy about sticky looking kids.  Some kids just look like a walking sticky lollipop that could spew their gooey self all over your clean clothes.  I had LO and I was even more convinced that keeping kids reasonably clean was easy.  You just wiped their faces and changed their shirt once in awhile.

Then the drooling started and I was able to keep on top of business and a few bibs were brought out and all was well.  Then the feeding started and it became a little tougher.  Now, I have just given up and she is schmutzy.  She is so strong and she really hates people touching her nose and mouth which seemed to be the mothership for shmutz.  I have never seen so many boogers and crusty junk on a kid.  There is no good time to clean her and she screams like a wild animal and starts thrashing like a beast even when you change her clothes or diaper.  If she sees a wash cloth she goes crazy, she barely permits bath time cleaning.  How do you keep your kids boogy free or do I sit on my hands until she is 13?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

An Update of Sorts

A lot has been going on in LO's world and it should not be overshadowed by my quest for employment.  So a brief summary of the happenings.

A shopping cart was procured but it was a bit tall for LO.

We attended a first birthday party over the weekend and it made me sad that the babies are growing so fast.  LO had a great time as there was live baby entertainment.
We tried to take a family pic but gave up pretty quickly.
And we went to Target and bought a potty after discussing the book, Diaper-Free Before 3 and her recent fascination with everything toilet.  Flushing the toilet, banging the lid and unrolling the toilet paper.

Lastly, she has started singing to accompany her dance moves.  "Yay, Yay, Yaayyy" while shaking her booty. 

Thursday, February 3, 2011

It Must Be Underneath Here

Every day something rolls underneath the music table and she gets stuck every single time.   Ahhhhh, she is my child.


The interview sucked big time.  I did well in my opinion except that I did get a bit nervous. I talked to three executives and I felt pretty confident about my overall performance.  Here is the kicker--they felt that I was weak on my Excel proficiency.  I wanted to say Microsoft Excel? I didn't know that it was such a big criteria.  I told them that I was fairly intelligent and open to taking a class to brush up on the finer points of Excel. They kept talking about how important Excel is to their organization so I admitted that I was weak on putting together complex formulas.  They aren't looking for complex formulas but the ability to sort and analyze data.  I think that I can handle it but that seemed to be the point of contention with them.   So they are narrowing down the position to three people from the ten that they have interviewed.  Here is the crazy part, besides that the president sits in on ten initial interviews, I don't really want the job.

The commute to the office seems horrendous, they have no flex time and the guy that would be my direct boss seemed to hate me and I hated everything that he stood for.  I am really qualified for the job and it is more money than my last job which would be really awesome but I would hate the job.  BUT I want them to want me.  Why would I hinge my career self confidence on a terrible job??  I have to tell the recruiter tomorrow if I would be interested in the next round of interviews.  Little sprouts of self doubt keep popping  up such as; the economy, what if nothing else comes along, what if this is a great job and I am a big snob?? I think that I will be open to the next round of interviews but I can't take the job.

Calling all peeps who need a marketing director, where are you?

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

New Shoes Wow Recruiters

My job interview with the recruiters went really well today.  I think that I can attribute it to the last minute run to the mall for new shoes and a top to go under my suit.  I feel that they really appreciated the shade of red on my top and the height of the heel.  I felt really nervous going to the interview and when I heard people taking a test in the next room of the fancy office, I started to sweat and get flashbacks.

Picture it, circa 1999.  I am out of college and looking for a job pre-Internet.

My mom tells me to find a temp agency and talk to them as I am at a loss of where to find a job in Newport Beach.  I decided to move there after school as someone offered me cheap rent on a beach house.  What else do you need when deciding residency after college?  So I go to the temp agency in a strip mall and they ask me to take a timed typing test.   WTF? I thought all I needed was a college education and the employers would line up? My criteria was pretty lenient, pay me to sit at a desk all day.  I failed every test miserably even the ones for just typing the numbers and they still found me a temp job working for an angry man at Wells Fargo.

 I started to sweat thinking that I would be subjected to some sort of Microsoft Office proficiency test and I wanted to shout that I had been using an older version so could they please skip the testing.  No testing was required and they were very complimentary of my background.  They called me within two hours to offer me an interview for a full time permanent position tomorrow.  The position is very similar to my last one and I think it would be like pointing my car in a different direction and ending up at a similar building.

This experience has made me think of what I want to do and I don't know if I am quite ready to jump back in.  It also made me realize that I probably shouldn't be such a large freak and think that no one is going to hire me EVER.   I have not even met the people so they could hate me but how could they with my new shoes?

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

SAHM Day #1

I am thinking of renaming this blog to be "Gross Shite that I Saw While Being a SAHM." Today was my first official day with LO as a SAHM.  We kept Poppins on full time last month as we wanted to give her some notice before we went part time.  I wish that we could keep her full time until I find a new job but it isn't possible for us.  It is really hard to be home all the time.  I love, love, love the time with her but it is a lot of work.  We had a play date today with another SAHM with three boys.  Her youngest is a little bit older than LO and it was refreshing to see her relaxed attitude with number three.  I have been arranging a lot of play dates and catching up with friends as I felt very isolated while working.  I was always too tired to see anyone or do anything.

After our play date, we headed to the mall to pick up my new interviewing suit. I have an interview with a recruiter tomorrow and I am very nervous.  I am writing this post while I should be polishing my resume and reading 250 Job Interview Questions.  It has been so long since I have gone on an interview that my suit looked straight out of Working Girl.

I have talked to some other recruiters on the phone and they all ask me to envision my next job and I am at a loss for what to say.  I want an interesting job with a little flexibility.  Before LO, all I thought about was money when it came to my career but now I value a little flexibility with hours so I could take LO to a toddler class once a week for an hour.  I would sacrifice lunch hours and money to be given a little leniency.  But that is not a popular answer when talking to a recruiter.  So I hope that tomorrow goes well and maybe I will find my dream job soon.