Sunday, January 30, 2011

Friday, January 28, 2011

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Cough, Cough

So ummmmm yeahhh, I have had bronchitis since October.  Why would I let such a thing happen? I am not one of those hoarders that has a disaster house or a person who can't keep it together.  I leave the house with all my clothes on and I remember to take the baby out of a hot car.   So why would I hack up a lung for months?  My question should be answered with another question.  When would I have gone to the doctor?  LO has a million different appointments that all took me away from work.  Lunch hours were filled with errands and god-forbid a luxurious hour to do something that I wanted.  I considered urgent care a few times but I knew they would put me on an antibiotic which knocks me out for days.  DAYS!! Who has days?? I don't live in a world that gives me days in bed.  I love DH but giving him LO for days is stressful.

So I caught up on some doctor appointments in the last two weeks and my general practitioner was really angry with me for letting it go so long.  I felt terrible after she told me that I put LO at risk.  She was surprised that I made it this long.  I admit that I did have visions of checking myself into the hospital and them caring for LO in the nursery.  She could sleep next to my bed in a little plastic crib like when she was first born.  You know, the LAST time I was given such good care.   I am a MOM and there is no time for much else.  When LO goes to college then I can catch up on a few things.   Maybe I will make a list so I don't forget.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Tuesday - There is a Thin Line Between Love and Hate

Guest Editor for Tuesday is DH
Soon to be Author of the Latest World-Renowned Blog I Heart German Chocolate Cake

With much trepidation, Cupcake Momma (CM) has let me, DH, write what I am certain will be my first and last post, so here goes...

Love: Being sick in bed and watching CM write a blog post
Hate: Being sick in bed and not able to play with and love LO

Love: The fact that CM has a very witty blog
Hate: The fact that said witty blog does not rank in the Top 50, although Bacon is My Enemy is pretty cool

Love: Drinking 15 year-old single malt scotch
Hate: Thinking LO will soon be our 1 year-old single child

Love: The fact that CM is the best parent in the whole world
Hate: When she thinks she isn't

Love: German Chocolate Cake
Hate: Vanilla Cake


I have started multiple posts in the last week but all seem to be scattered and incoherent.  So I thought I would take K's idea and do some love/hates for Tuesday.

Love: Spending more time with LO
Hate: Chasing her to put clothes on every time

Love: Not having to commute
Hate: Feeling as if I am responsible for every domestic task as I am not working

Love: Having time to devote to preschool hunting
Hate: How tough it is going to be to transition her into toddler/preschool programs and work full time

Love: All the love and gifts for my bday this past weekend
Hate:  That I am 34 and I can hear the clock ticking for more kids

Love: Having an adult night out for above bday
Hate: That I am so old and was in bed by 10

Love: Not working as it is AWESOME
Hate: Not having enough money to do it forever

Love: That LO is getting so talkative and active
Hate: Our house is so small that I feel I am robbing her of some meaningful childhood experience

Love: My baby is going to be 1 year old soon
Hate: My BABY is going to be ONE

Friday, January 14, 2011

Excuse Me Sir, May I Join You Day #3

Outside my bedroom window is a dude with long greasy hair pulled into a scraggly ass ponytail who wears a ratty blue bathrobe and slippers. He sits on an outside couch and smokes all day while staring at the computer. He drove me nuts during my pregnancy and leave as I am anti smoking especially while pregnant. I was thinking of writing a post where I join him on his rattan loveseat but my dark humor seems to be upsetting a portion of my family. I think I am more upset about my humor being misunderstood than losing my job. So we will be returning to our regularly scheduled blogging.

LO was up all night last night and it just about did me in as I have been on my own this week as DH was in Denver. But Poppins came in the morning and I took an unbelievable nap. I felt like I hadn't slept well forever and then I took this luscious nap from 9 until noon. The last nap where I slept so well was when I came home from the hospital after having LO. Then DH came home and we had a chance to talk. I really do need him around when the shite hits the fan as he is a take charge kind of guy when things get serious and adult like.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Destitute Day #2

I'm still here trying not to think about how we are going to feed ourselves and our child. Dramatic sigh at the end of that sentence. A lot of people have been so awesome and supportive. They have made me want to be a better person when I'm done being depressed and homeless and stuff. Some people have not known what to say and this is my favorite line, "only time will tell." What is time going to tell me!? Another favorite has to be "you could get paid to have another baby." Another mouth to feed??? Not likely buddy. Lastly, "you made a lot of money, will you settle for less?" Thanks for the vote of confidence family.

With all my drama, I haven't mentioned poor LO who is having her own bad week. First, they stopped making her formula. I'm talking to you Enfamil. Then she had a high fever yesterday so they put her on antibiotics that are killing her poor tummy. Poor lady. Keep an eye out for us on the street corner, we will be the ones with the blind yellow lab.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Unemployed LOSER Day #1

Don't cry for me Argentina, as that job is dead to me.  I have to admit that my joie de vivre was being sucked out by my job but I was too lame to admit it.  Unfortunately, I never break up with anyone so it was time for them to cut the cord and set me free.  BUT I still feel like, "Why didn't those kids like me??"  My crazy insecurity of being destitute and homeless is in crazy mode but I am keeping all of the crazy anxiety quiet with a sense of calm and laser focus.

Erica graciously too me to lunch after it happened and then let me come over for dinner as I feared loneliness and time to think.  Then she even let me come to her house to my "office" and set me up on her computer so I could begin getting all my shite done today.  I had my first call with a recruiter and I must admit that she chipped away at my delicate confidence.  The economy, ahhhhhhh! My skill set, ahhhhhhhh! Work harder for less pay, ahhhhhhh!  Hopefully, she was putting me down to build me back up? Somehow, I don't think that was the case.

I have a facial gift certificate that I am going to use this afternoon from xmas 2009.  Why not? We will probably be homeless soon anyway :)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


I am coming to you from my new phone so I apologize for any errors.

A few catch up items:

LO hit her head AGAIN. How many calls to the dr with a head injury until they come take your child away?!?!

We attended a family music class on Sunday and the peeps were lame. I was really disappointed.

Oh yeah and I lost my job today. It didn't suddenly disappear out of view, more they asked me to turn in my corporate card, phone, computer, and Internet connector. I felt like dan ackroyd in trading places. Hence the new phone and text blogging. I have no idea what to do with myself but will keep you updated. I thought about being a SAHM mom for a second but that will not fly as that is HARD. I came home early and LO was crazy and wild and I couldn't do it 24/7. So must jump on job search to get back to working and try not to go insane.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Visit with the Messiah

Just Tell Me What to Say: Sensible Tips and Scripts for Perplexed ParentsYou're Not the Boss of Me: Brat-proofing Your Four- to Twelve-Year-Old ChildI don't know who you worship but I met the nursery school equivalent last night and I am a believer.  It was like being in the presence of greatness with whipped cream and chocolate.  I am going to buy BOTH of her books as she is a genius. She was very straight forward and down to earth.  

She SCARED the HE double hockey sticks out of me but it was good to get the straight skinny.  I wanted to ask if I could move into her house with the LO and she could advise me.  I was ready to pull out pics to convince her.  I link to her blog on the right so I had an idea of the greatness but was blown away with the actual meeting.

So if you are not living in this area, you may be thinking why am I thinking about nursery school?? Let me tell you, Betsy advises to call from the hospital to get on the lists.  She didn't say that we were late but you could feel the vibe.   The one commonality that a lot of the schools are looking for is diversity.  Well, I am Jewish and DH is not and it ends there.  In other parts of the country that would be diverse but here, we are a dime a dozen.  If you have any ideas on promoting our diversity, let me know.  Poppins graciously volunteered her husband to stand in our family pics but it might be a hard sell to the schools as LO is so damn light. 

I feel ready to tackle this beast and hope for the best.  There are toddler programs to attend at the nursery schools and asses to kiss.  In the end, who could resist this little face??!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I May Be a Terrible Mommy

Before LO was born, DH and I traveled with a lot more flexibility. (Obviously)   DH travels internationally for his job while I travel domestically for my job.   My job has involved a lot less travel over the past few years and DH's travel seems to be ramping up.  Seems like a good situation so there is someone always with the LO.  Well we used to use DH's trips as a meeting place for our trips.  I would meet him and then we would travel together. Free international ticket for him and I would use miles so just hotels, food and entertainment.  

For the last two years that has not been a possibility as I didn't want to travel internationally while pregnant and then I had a newborn.  Well, now I have a 9 month old and DH is going to London in a few months and I am thinking of joining him for a long weekend.  Poppins would be open to staying and my mom has also offered to come down to visit during that time.  So I have listed some Pros and Cons to help me make a decision and I am trying to figure if I should go.  Weigh in!

I love London
We could use the time alone
We could spend the weekend in the country which is my fave
We could go to tea at the Ritz (It was scheduled before and we missed it due to traffic)
We could shop at the markets
We could go to Wagamama
Tix are cheappppp or I could use miles
We could go to a show
We could sleep in
I love London

I have been to London a lot
Do I really need more crap?
It is a long way to go for a weekend
I wouldn't fly with him as that makes me too nervous
I would really miss the LO
It will be cold
We are going to Hawaii a few weeks after so would be a lot of time away from work
I would REALLY miss the LO

I do not want to bring the LO as I am testing out long flights with her when we go to Hawaii and I promised no long flights in winter.   When is the first time that you leave your baby?  Is there a good age? Or is it NEVER?

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

If DH Were the Nanny

He would be fired.  Last night, I had a work dinner and he was responsible for getting home to meet Poppins and put LO to bed.  I was feeling pretty good as I was going to a work dinner, having a margarita and enjoying some adult time when my phone started ringing and ringing.  LO had fallen off our bed and was screaming.  I could get into how it happened but that is not the important part as it happened.  I wanted to scream at him as I put her to bed 95% of the time and he is responsible for 5% and she isn't safe?  I know that accidents happen but I have to feel that LO is safe.  He mentioned that he didn't talk on the phone when his boss called when she was in the bath but picked up the phone.  That made me feel even crazier with anger and fear.  Why is that damn phone even in the bathroom?  We kept her up and watched her and then woke her up in the middle of the night a few times and all was fine.

So why didn't I scream my bloody rage at him for not paying attention? This is my baby, my world and the reason for living.  Well, because when I cut off the tip of her thumb while trying to trim her nails, he didn't yell at me and when she fell out of her bedroom chair, he didn't yell at me.  I felt horrible enough at those times and he was really supportive.  He even took the night shifts at those times so I dutifully took my night shift last night.  He told me that he almost didn't call me last night and that is not the relationship that I want to foster with my husband.  I want to always be able to discuss what has happened with each other and have the mutual respect to understand that accidents happen and the best approach is calmness and smart decisions.  I can't hold my breath every time that DH is responsible for her.  We are a team and sometimes partners drop the ball or baby (hahaha) but you keep on going. 

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Don't Bite It on the Freeway

I watched a scary movie on TV last night, Craigslist Killer and saw a bad accident on the freeway this am on the way to work so it got me thinking.  Am I doing what I want to do with my life? I am terrified that I will bite it on the freeway to work instead of doing something awesome.  I have a bday coming up and it is the start of a new year so it makes me reflect on death, doom and despair.  I am really against a life with no responsibility and no job but is the joie de vivre being sucked out of me on a daily basis?

I no longer see a large stretch of carpet and do cartwheels because I may hurt myself.  I visit a swimming pool once or twice a year but I used to spend months in a pool.  I used to be proud that I could move all my worldly possessions in my Ford Escort and now I feel weighed down by stuff.  Being an adult is hard and the weeks, months and years are slowly giving way to me being OLD.  My parents had a 13 year old kid at my age and my dad rolled 4 kids deep when he was my age.  FOUR KIDS people. 

It is possible that I am feeling this way as my 10 day vacation is OVER and it didn't leave me fulfilled.  I had visions of massages, facials, awesome bonding time with LO and fun times with family and friends.  There were no massages, facials or even a lousy pedicure.  LO was super cranky as her schedule was off, she had a cold and girlfriend will not nap without me holding her.  She can scream forever and she doesn't "wear herself out."  I felt like a big failure instead of super bonding mom with educational fun activities.  We did have some good times and no work clothes were worn and I loved spending time with LO but long weeks of winter stretch before me and the possibility that I may bite it on the way to work.

Monday, January 3, 2011

One Year Birthday Party

Are you thinking that you just saw some 9 month pics so why am I even discussing a one year party?! LO and I attended a fun baby party on Saturday and that was the topic of discussion as LO is one of the younger babes in the pack.  The hostess will be turning one at the beginning of February and has already rented out a hotel in the area! AHHHHHHhhhh, it sent me into a panic as I had given no thought to the one year party.  I saw a cute hat and some cake but a party?!! Then I started rolling it around in my mind and realized that I want to GO BIG but I may only have the resources for small. 

Erica came up with a super awesome idea that added fuel to my crazy fire.  I can't stop thinking about it.  I had to do some reality checking as will LO really remember? But then I realized that I could ask our super awesome family photographer if she would consider photographing.  Then images of the final Easter scene from Steel Magnolias of all the blond kids in white came rolling into my brain.  Can I ask all attendees to wear white and talk in Southern accents to fulfill my WASPy Steel Magnolias dream--hhmmmm may be tough as we are Jewish and it will be before Labor Day and white irritates DH. 

What if all I end up with at the end of the b-day are super awesome pics like these?  I have NO classic holiday pics of the LO smiling looking at the camera as DH considers artsy shots to be way superior to any smiling baby shots.  Here are some of his favorites and I will keep you updated on b-day plans.