Friday, November 25, 2011

Talkin Turkey

Thanksgiving was amazing as in best day evah.  LO woke up late after only one night screaming session and she sang to herself in the crib for an hour giving me time to relax and lay in bed.  A quick trip for breakfast crepes followed by her "smelling" the Christmas tree lot made me one happy mama.  A big nap for all three of us and a quiet lunch for DH and me followed by an awesome dinner at my aunt's house for 55 people.  I love large turkey day celebrations with mixes of the old and young peeps.  LO showed me that she is growing up too fast by hanging out with the other flower girls and only popping in for a quick hug.  The only thing that I would say that upsets me about having divorced parents is the holidays or celebrations.  At big events, I missed that reassurance of a quick hug from my mom or dad.  I always felt a bit insecure not having a touch point among the happy chaos.  So an extra squeeze for LO is always in order.

As an adult the holidays tend to snap us back to the traditional roles that we played as kids, eh.  During the year, I am a live and let live type of person but during the holidays I turn into a fixer.  I must fix this for ______.  Most recently, it is the urge to fix for my father and I can't help but wonder if I am fighting against the current.   People must play their own roles and as much as I want to fix, am I supposed to be mature enough not to fix? DH is a fixer himself and tells me just to take care of whatever needs to be done but am I doing something for someone else based on my own feelings of insecurity?  Ahhhh, heavy subjects for such a happy day but allow me a little leniency as it is 10 years since my brother died and although the anger has dissipated, sometimes the sadness creeps in even though you fight so hard against it.  Also, probably a little bit of a fix for a parent isn't the worst thing in the world when his sadness must be creeping as well.