Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Gangster Way of Living

Have you seen the movie, Usual Suspects? The story of Keyser Soze, who comes home to find his family raped and beaten so he kills his family and the gang members to let the criminals know he means business but he lets one of the guys go so that he can pass on the message that he is crazy? Always leave one person to be the messenger. Gangsta.

I went to pick up my radioactive cat on my lunch break where I had to be there at 1:30 exactly to pick her up and they kept me waiting for 20 minutes and then a technician lazily strolls out to ask if I am here to pick up my cat.  No, I'm here with an empty carrier hoping someone will throw some kibble my way for lunch. A-hole. 

So he starts going over the requirements for aforementioned cat that include keeping six feet away from her for the next two weeks and keeping LO from touching her.  "It is ok to pass in the hall." AND her litter is considered radioactive so you can't throw it away. ALSO you must wash your hands after touching her.  I would be fine NEVER touching her but that cat is all over everyone non-stop.  So I get pissed and say that we were told not to play in her litter box for a few days and that was about it.  Blank stare, blank stare.  So I FLIP the F**k out.  DH is traveling and I needed to get back to work and I was not taking the "secreting" cat back to the house with a sick kid. 

I start stalker calling the vet and demanding to talk to the referring doctor to say that I was dropping off the cat.  I listened to old school gangster rap to keep my rage high.  They discussed protocol and abilities.  I told them I would be there in five minutes and they could either board the cat or put her to sleep.  I just had to let go and be willing for the cat to DIE.  So I backed my car into the parking spot closest to the street for a quick getaway, ran into the vet and put the cat on the floor near the desk.  This is the part where I wish that I could say I hightailed it out of there but that damn cat has a microchip.

So I approached the desk and they started giving me business about isolation and they have to wear gloves, etc and I told them that I was willing to put her to sleep even though I had just spent $1,500 on the radiation.  They showed me how much it would all cost and I was still opting for the sleep cure or me opening up the carrier in their office and seeing what happened.  They reduced the bill by 60% and I agreed that she could live. That doctor never came out to see me as he was SCARED but they sent in a nice English lady to speak with her accent to calm down my gangster RAGE.  The point of this story is to put the damn cat to sleep at the beginning.  Gangster Soze style.