Monday, August 1, 2011

Does This Happen To You?

When I was pg, I was asked a minimum of a million times if I would be returning to work.  Half of those times were from my 90 year old grandfather.  He told me that my grandmother quit working the day that her eldest preferred the nanny to her by calling her mama.  And that story has now morphed into an every time I talk to him version when discussing my job, the nanny or house.  I find it amusing and believe that the story probably has more nuances than he is mentioning.  I run home a few times a week during the lunch hour to pick something up or see LO.  I work close by and I had an aunt tell me that you can never surprise visit too many times. So today is when the heartbreak happened.  I came home to pick up a key that I forgot this am and LO whined when she saw me and ran to the nanny to pick her up.  The worst part was that the nanny was obviously embarrassed for me. 

I am close to tears every Sunday night at the thought of another long week without seeing her all day and she prefers her nanny. WTF? Great, she feels secure in her relationships.  AWESOME. I feel SO happy.  I know that it is temporary and she was probably in the middle of something but girlfriend has stopped acknowledging my leaving the house as well.  Also, this weekend brought two large-ish tantrums which make me feel bad as we employ the take the child outside and ignore method of parenting.  I think it is effective but sometimes it is hard to be firm when they are sooooo pissed.  The first tantrum came at the Natural History Museum where we went to see the butterfly exhibit.  We went into the new dinosaur exhibit and she insisted on pushing her stroller which is fine but after she ran into the third kid, it was time to stop and get in the stroller as it was pretty crowded.  I like to smile serenely and pretend that my child isn't arching her back and bright red from screaming.  We had to leave and go outside and then I just wanted to leave as it was a mommy and me activity and kid focused and if she was upset, what was the point? 

The second time was at grandpa's house when she wanted to run around with a cup of blackberries on his new beige carpet instead of eating them in the kitchen.   He looked at her on the ground screaming and said that must have come from DH's side of the family.  I tried to calm her down as I was a bit embarrassed and she hit my leg (side eyes to LO's friend that hits, just kidding), proving the ignore method does work better.  All of it ends up making me feel sad that we aren't frolicking and singing with our little time together.