Friday, July 1, 2011

Money, Money, Money

Oh, how I do love you.  You are on my mind a lot and while we may have a tumultuous relationship, you still give me a thrill after an infusion of you like on payday.  I am the almighty money manager in this family and while it is NOT a role that I relish, it is better than the other way around.  I was in a relationship with a guy who would complain about the taxes on a phone bill.  He always wanted to control my larger paycheck and it was not a good situation.  So, there may be no awesome spreadsheets like at Polka Dot Hippo who should take over our finances if I wasn't so embarrassed about them, BUT we do have a NEW idea.

I have tried everything and I have tried a version of this before but I have heard that this really works for people.  I am only getting paid once a month which is actually awesome as I think it will make the envelope system work A LOT better. So on the first day of the month, I go to the bank and put a ridiculous amount of money in envelopes.  EVERYONE is rocking an envelope including LO, the cats, the nanny, DH and My Maria.  Everything down to toilet paper has an envelope.  There is even a misc envelope and a credit card envelope where you have to put cash if you use your credit card.  I was thinking of putting inspirational sayings on them like, "Hey F**ker, think before you take money out of here," but decided against it.

I also decided to use $100 bills so they don't spend as easy.  The bank thought that I was leaving town as it is not my usual MO to go INSIDE the bank.   This weekend will be a real test for us as it is a long weekend and we like to drink and we have a lot of activities planned.  I have decided to keep y'all updated to keep me a little bit honest. 

I am trying to decide who will have the most problems with this plan:

Family Member A who prefers shopping carts, expensive purses, glasses and clothes.  She has not met a Whole Foods store that doesn't make her drop a $50. 
Family Member B has a large hole in his pocket.  He operates by foot mainly in one small area where you can literally see the money flying by him in the wind.  He often has sidekicks who he may blame for his need of additional funds.  You have to play tough with this party goer.
Family Member C rocks the cradle and rules this small crazy world.  She spends more time perusing amazon and baby sites than any right minded person.  She will detect the smallest flaw in any item for her family and declare it time to buy a new one. Her house is equipped with every disaster item and baby proofed to the hilt.  She also believes that the next item of clothing, makeup, hair product or underwear will be the one to change her life. She can rationalize anything just ask her.

They are a cagey bunch but they are trying to avoid a retirement filled with insects and outdoor housing.  Wish them luck and DO NOT offer anything to them to buy, eat or wear.  They are on a DIET.