Thursday, July 28, 2011


Girls on the Edge: The Four Factors Driving the New Crisis for Girls-Sexual Identity, the Cyberbubble, Obsessions, Environmental Toxins
I live in terror of LO being a tween and teenager and being subjected to peer pressure and feeling bad about herself.  I see a lot of clothes for little girls that are not appropriate and contribute to little girls being pressured to grow up too quickly.  I have been reading this book which makes a lot of sense. We have a no technology rule and we limit branded clothing and toys. I know that one day she will insist upon some princess, barney business but I am not going to push any decisions on her.  She can make that choice for herself.  BUT it is hard on me sometimes as I see gold shiny hot pants and I think how cute LO would look with gold hot pants over her diaper and I want to resist but it's so hard.  So instead I buy her these which she hated but fulfilled my sick sense of humor and avoided gold lame hot pants.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Celebrities Bow Down to Her On Her 16 Month Bday

We took Ella here for dinner which was a bit unkid-friendly but LO behaved like a champ and sat like a lady for 90 minutes.  Multiple people stopped in to say how well behaved, charming and smiley she acted. Yeah, I'm bragging as I am in constant amazement at how awesome she is.  I live in fear that it will all turn on me but for now, I am on a baby honeymoon.  Anyway then we had this lady stop in to ask how old LO was and that she reminded them of their grandchild and to tell us that she was beautiful.  I knew that I recognized her but didn't know from where but DH was all excited as Airplane is one of his favorite movies.  She talks exactly like her character, weird.   I am trying not to jinx myself but am I in for a rude surprise soon?

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


Food=Terrible tasting & terrible for you & overpriced
Temperature=Too hot
LO's reaction=Mixed reviews
Mickey Mouse ice cream sandwich=Awesome
Outfit changes=Two

Monday, July 25, 2011


You can't make some stuff up as peeps are just wackadoodles.  This site takes awhile to load but is so awesome.  I can't decide if my favorite part is his campaign platforms with university misspelled or his dog's birthday party.  I was reading old faithful, TMZ and noticed that he had spent $68k to put up an anniversary card on Sunset Blvd with his awesome website.

Trust & Friendship

I thought we had a good relationship peeps! You are supposed to tell me when shite doesn't work around this joint.  I am NOT smart or tech savvy like you. There were NO products displaying in my store.  I worked on those products ALL day for you.  Sheesh, give it another click so you can see my goods.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Haps in the Hood

I read MODG and she opened up her own store and I was super jealous so I opened up my OWN store.  Jealous?

We are going to Disneyland this weekend, ya know the antithesis of everything I stand for as a parent.  We have family coming to town who has free tickets so we are going to accompany them.  I can't decide if I will refer to everything like "Oh look at that funny mouse or wacky duck," or "Wow, those women are wearing nice dresses" or just point out scenery but part of me is cringing inside and the other part is a little bit excited to see if she likes it.  I will be bringing some organic food/treats just to bring a little rain to the parade.

DH and I used a groupon last night to go wine tasting but when we got there they had a special, 20 tastes for $20 that they said we could use instead of the premium flight.  Word of advice, don't do bargain wine tasting.  It will lead to you eating a grilled cheese sammie off a food truck and a candy bar.  Blargh

I signed DH up for nursing home insurance yesterday as my company offers it.  I think it is just funny to say that he has it. 

I was talking to DH about owling yesterday and he told me that he was wayyyyyyyyyy too busy to read such articles from ya know CNN.  Then he sent me the below pic 30 minutes later.

Thursday, July 21, 2011


I rearranged my work week so I could take her.  I ate lunch in the morning to rush home to pick her up.  She had a new outfit on and the nanny had combed her hair with a little water.  She was excited as she knew something exciting was about to happen.  I changed out of my suit so the other mommies would possibly like me.  I put on a cute summer outfit and we were out the door.   I had timed everything right so I could be back to work for two more meetings.

We got behind a bad driver who kept slamming on the brakes.  We couldn't find parking and I heard a small whine start from the backseat.  I drove around the block a few more times until the whine became a cry.  I rushed to get her out of the car and she appeared to be choking.  I tried to help her but the vomiting started and she couldn't help it.  We were both covered and she was sad.  I put her back in the car feeling defeated.  I spotted a dirty pilates shirt that I put on and unbuckled her again.  We used some baby wipes and we tried again to go into the new gym class.  I spotted a tie dye shirt for sale that she could wear as a dress and quickly changed her hoping that no one had noticed but it was too late. 

One of the mommies had already seen me changing and had reported the "sick" kid.  I tried to explain about reflux and medication that doesn't always work and they let us stay but no mommies wanted their kids to play with LO.  She enjoyed herself and ran around while no one talked to me.  I felt the first taste of rejection that comes with childhood for her and realized that it will be me that is crying harder over the disappointments than her. 

Monday, July 18, 2011


When I looked at LO for the first time, I saw perfection.  I imagine others feel similar or they see something equally as awe inspiring.  I literally couldn't take my eyes off of her or put her down.  I had never known felt such an absolute visceral pull to anyone or anything.  I had to have her close.  I still feel the same way as part of me is missing when she is not with me.  I prefer to hold her or sit next to her but she prefers to be free of me and explore the world. She rightfully sees me as a base for her exploration and growth while I secretly long to keep her as a small infant and shield her from the world. 

When I started the course of motherhood, I was scared, nervous and looking to other mothers for reassurance.  I joined a mommy and me group that was like group therapy for me.  Once a week where 12 ladies got together and talked about the absolute love of their children, exhaustion from lack of sleep and all the new emotions that come from suddenly becoming a parent.  We heard each other's birth stories, frustrations and shared a weekly reprise from holding it all together.  We became fast friends and cared about what happened in each others lives. 

A group of us stayed in mommy and me and a group went on to other groups.  One mom emerged as the leader of organizing get togethers and the Facebook page and general enthusiasm.  She was the one who helped me brainstorm for job ideas when I was regretting going back to a job with a long commute.  Her husband is the one who gave me a chance at consulting when I was between jobs.  Both always going above and beyond because they are truly good people.  So why in the world would their precious daughter, that they loved so much, be afflicted with stage 4 cancer at 11 months and claim her life this weekend.  How can that be explained? I can't get past it and it is not my sorrow to feel.  I see no silver lining as it is truly a horrible tragedy.  I look back at the following video and see beautiful babies with lovely mothers about to embark on life.  How can one be snatched so quickly?

Thursday, July 14, 2011


LO loves her some paci, lovie, blankie and sleep.  She likes all of her stuff to be perfect before she goes to sleep.  I understand completely as I get upset if someone touches my special pillow.  We have a video monitor and I love to watch her in her bed rolling around.  I have started taking pictures of her the last two nights as I can't believe how big she is getting and how adorable she looks.  I stick the iPhone in the general direction of the bed in her dark room and have gotten some cute shots.

Also, she is a genius. I thought that I would throw that out there.  She is a quiet GENIUS.  The other evening she started signing to me that she was all done except that I wasn't paying attention and she kept doing it and then it clicked. The one thing that I taught her to sign, she actually picked up.  Genius! I was too lazy to learn any other signs so really she has mastered the world of sign language as taught.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Me, Myself and Myself again

I love myself as in I think that my sense of humor is hilarious.  I don't appreciate my hips, hair, nose or ass that much but my jokes are hilarious.  I don't often share them as they are kind of insider jokes to myself.  If I see something that I can do to secretly freak out DH, I will do it.  Move his all important laundry items, put things away in the wrong place or buy obnoxious shit, I am ALL over it.

In return he gets to drive me batshit nuts and talk incessantly when I am trying to sleep or talk about damn YouTube or Apple whatever.  So when I saw that you could customize your Wells Fargo credit and debit card for FREE, I knew that it was on like Donkey Kong.  So I ordered a nice family shot for his credit card AND the contenders for his debit card are a shot of him in the bathtub with no water with a shower cap on or one of these fine offerings.  Feel free to vote.  I plan to order and just put them in his wallet without mentioning it.  Bwahahahahaha sucka!


I hate watching videos on YouTube or any video on the computer or phone.   I am not cool or hip and I will not follow a link that you send to me or that you put on your blog.  I may read the description but I hate waiting for videos to load and I hate when videos pause.  DH is the exact opposite and it always showing me things on the iPad or computer, I act interested for a second and then I am done.  I also hate it when people read to me as it makes me feel trapped.  I love watching movies and will watch videos on the TV but any kind of portable device makes me itchy and annoyed.   In summary, I will be the last person to see anything truly hilarious that is making its way around the Internet.  I was the last person to see the Whole Foods parking lot video and I am probably the last person to see Hitler discussing Carmageddon but this is truly funny.  DH was mad that I finally watched it as he begged me to watch it last week and I refused but it is worth a watch.  Completely inappropriate and funny.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Happy Anniversary to MYSELF

I know it's not on your calendar BUT it IS the blog's one year anniversary. I have actually written 258 blog entries but the first entry and picture remain my favorites.   The baby is cute and my hair looks nice--what more could you ask for???

I have met some awesome people through the blog and love reading about their lives in a voyeuristic stalkery kind of way.  LO brings me constant happiness and joy and loads of material for this crazy little blog and I love the blog in a second cat kind of way.   I hope that I make y'all laugh once in awhile or at least feel better about yourselves.  I look forward to meeting a lot of you in TeeeeeXas (imagine a twangy accent).  I may not be a hugger or even that friendly upon first meeting me as I am shy in a loud excitable person way but I do love me a cocktail and a chat about personal and extremely private items.   Keep on Truckin!

Monday, July 11, 2011


It truly feels like summertime over here in So CA and I am loving it.  Summer is the BEST season and should be cherished.  We have been living it up and I still have the "cram it all into summer break" mentality even though I work full time and have no break.  Life is just awesomer when it is light out longer and you can wear flip flops non-stop. 

LO and I attended a Mommy & Me shower on Saturday where she spent the whole time next to her stroller in case anyone was going to touch it.  She ate her lunch with the plate on it and then pushed it around.  There was a water table and a tunnel and lots of toys and other KIDS but she just chilled with the stroller for two hours.  I have been having a lot of mixed emotions about a second baby as more of my friends jump on the bandwagon.  I can't imagine not having a second but I can NOT imagine being pg again.  I feel like everything is easy with one kid as you can always trade off and there is no sibling rivalry and it is like having a small friend around.  We are planning a trip for next Spring/Summer to Ireland and I'm not nervous about traveling with her but it would seem like toooo much with two.  At the same time, I am a wee bit jealous of my second pg friends.  TWO little people around, another small friend, a little baby to cuddle.  I may mention this subject A LOT but I pretty much ponder it 95% of the time.  LO and I went to brunch with an old friend and her 10 month old on Sunday morning and she seemed slightly unnerved by me holding a baby.  I put her on my lap too and she realized that it was the same old lap and didn't mind but I am sure she would feel differently if the baby came to our house and wanted to touch her crayons or stickers or horror of all horrors, her shopping cart.

I also ponder the fact that I would have to get a larger car as where would Grandpa Irv sit?  We went to Costco with Grandpa Irv this weekend as that is our favorite thing to do.  He likes to buy books and pjs for LO and I like to look at books and Grandpa likes to walk around with LO in the cart.  We also had dinner at his senior residence where LO runs around to different tables and stares at the other residents.  They say that they love it but I think it would be unnerving to be enjoying your rainbow trout and look down to see a small person staring at you and offering you part of her roll. 

This coming weekend we will be engaging in non-stop Groupons.  I have a sick obsession with buying them and currently have 10 unused groupons for everything from food to wine tasting to pedicures to carpet cleaning.  I have been collecting them and we are going to use all of them instead of using the car as it is Carmaggedon in So CA where they are closing 10 miles of the freeway for an entire weekend.  What better way to stay close to home than to drink and eat on foot??

Friday, July 8, 2011


I am about to go wackadoodle crazy on you.  Ok, I am already crazy but I am going to go more wackadoodle.  I have become paranoid a little bit upset about genetically modified foods and am trying to eliminate them from our lives.  With LO's gut issues and my fear of an 8 year old menstruating, I feel that getting rid of soy is a must and with her mild allergy to corn, I think it is best to give corn the boot as well.  This is realllly hard and I thought I had it pretty under control but I have NOT even scratched the surface.  Corn and soy are everywhere, EVERYWHERE and over 90% of it is GM.  I say this in a loud staged whisper as if the government is looking at me right now.

I buy LO food from Whole Foods, I should be safe.  No sirrreeeeeeee, Whole Foods will not be GM free until mid 2012. There is no law or regulation that manufacturers have to call out GM foods and they wont as that would be like putting a "skull and crossbones on the food and no one would buy it." Well, duh. I made cookies last night and soy lecithin is in ALL chocolate.  I'm not quite ready to buy my own chickens to get my own eggs BUT pretty close except that I hate birds and chickens are birds and therefore gross.  I went deep on the Internet yesterday and wanted to curl into a ball and cry. 

I would love to be crunchy, I would love to dine on a raw diet but that isn't me.  So I have found some resources that don't make me throw up my hands and declare it impossible. is a great website and they have the simple "Do One Thing" to try or their shopping list that looks handy. The non-GMO project also offers a shopping guide. 

Food has taken on such a new meaning for me.  It started with gestational diabetes, then with LO's gut and allergies and now with the fear that I could be impacting her future health with the choices that I make for her now.   I wish that I could say, I turned out fine and there was no organic food during my childhood but the food supply has drastically changed in the last 15-20 years.  I feel that I have to at least pay attention to what goes in her mouth beyond the inedible pieces that are in there too. Sigh, who wants to discuss malted barley flour???

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Words You Never Want to Hear

I love me a corporate, stuffy, male environment.  The offices and equipment are nicer, the rules are straightforward and you usually never have to sing or group hug.  I have found my people in financial services as even the interns have offices.  They have an occasional beer which I can manage to drink and appear slightly with it.  I am somewhat down with current events and I can usually resort to something to discuss with executives as they all have one favorite topic, themselves and their awesomeness.  When this specimen of being asks if you play(ed) any sports, you  mention light sport activity during childhood, keep it brief.  Refer to basketball or soccer and if they ask if you are a dancer/gymnast/whatever girlie thing, just nod. 

Do not mention that you golf or play tennis unless you want to strut your stuff in front of these people at the next charity whatever.  I actually have a set of golf clubs and at one point COULD have maybe played a drunk game of golf.  I mean they would drink heavy and I would pretend to drink and maybe I could fake it.  I have played tennis and even took some lessons but would never get in a skirt and play with ANYONE.  Alright I will get to the point, my boss just mentioned that he needs me to get some "funny" trophies for an office golf tournie in TWO weeks.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Will I be invited to play??? I would have to say yes AND then what would I DO? Two weeks is not enough time to get back into the game and my arm/elbow is still messed up from the fall.  Let's be honest, six months is not enough time. 

Whenever I get into a situation like the above mentioned, I always envision the women over at NOW (National Organization for Women).  For some reason, NOW in my mind is as far from a corporate environment that you can get.  I have never been but I envision women dressed in denim, on old school phones not playing golf.  Do women breastfeed at their desks over there? I always envision some sort of holy grail of all things womanly.  What to do? What to do??

My Maria Thursday

I got a call yesterday at work that LO had a fever and was crying.  When I used to have a long commute, I would ask a ton of questions and not that I would not have gone home but if it takes you 45 minutes to get home and assess a situation, you need to know if 911 should be called.  I can hightail it on the freeway like the rest of them but I am usually in the 18 month waiting period for traffic school, ya know you can only go once every 18 months, so I try to be careful.  Anyhoooo, since I am a minute away and it was 4:30 and someone was working on my computer, I went home. 
LO was completely fine just a little cranky.  I took her temperature as this is the second nanny that is TERRIFIED of the butt thermometer.  She had no fever but I can feel a big molar coming in.  So what was Maria doing during LO being upset and crying. Yelling and insisting that an onion be put in her mouth so the tooth would come out white and fast in between organizing DH's closet by color and season.  I sometimes consider going to our next door neighbor's house at the end of the day where there is no destroyed furniture, no vomit stains on the carpet and everything is relatively quiet.  There house is exactly like ours except reversed so it could be like home but not as crazy. 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Do As I Say, Not As I Doossss

LO is starting to enter that phase where she is starting to imitate me.  I think that I am pretty careful around her in that I don't talk on the phone, watch TV and I try to sit down while eating and pretend we have a normal family meal time. Here is a description of me through the eyes of a 15 month old:
  • Weigh myself a lot as she enters the bathroom and goes and stands on the scale
  • Take a lot of pills as she wants to hold all prescription pill bottles
  • Loose my phone as she is always looking for her phone so she can text
  • Putting stuff in and out of her purse
  • Put her sunglasses on and walk out the door
  • Put on my shoes and purse and walk out the door
  • Carry a container for food and walk out the door
  • Read magazines and point out outfits
  • NOT eat ever
  • Drink out of a straw and crush imaginary ice like a margarita
  • Drink out of a wineglass
  • Sigh a lot (must be DH's influence)
So in summary, I am a boozy, pill popping diva that never eats, is obsessed with the scale and is constantly on the move with different purse choices.  Awesome and fairly accurate.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Oh, Casey

***Beware--Casey Anthony trial opinion *****
I didn't watch every second of the trial on TV or did I sit in the courtroom or sit on the jury but I kind of think she did it.  I don't know if it happened the way that the prosecution described but something horrible happened, and she is partially if not entirely to blame.   She was the parent and she didn't report whatever horribleness happened.  It seems that the prosecution didn't provide enough credible evidence beyond a reasonable doubt.  That is the tricky part as I may "think" that she did it but they had to be convinced to sentence her to possible death.  At the end of the day, a little girl died a horrific death and however we may feel, the jury has decided she isn't guilty of the crime.  

So where does that leave Casey?  I have some advice for her, lay low and find God.  There will be books and shows and hate mail but the only way that she will be able to survive is to "act" like she gives a damn.  No wild partying, no boyfriends, no reality shows, no anger towards the media, no interviews and for the love, do NOT reproduce.  In 5 years, invite Barbara Walters or whoever over to your house, wear a cardigan set and discuss how much you miss her and your heroic efforts with a charity organization dedicated to children.  Learn from OJ.

Beyond the Parade

We had a pretty rocking long weekend.  It was so great to spend time with LO and have THREE full days to hang out in the awesome weather.  I went to Manhattan Beach on Saturday to meet a friend and dine on crepes and mimosas.  We did a little shopping and some ice cream tasting and had a generally great time talking. 

Sunday, I took a baking class from this place.  I had a really good time learning the science behind baking which works a lot better than praying that something will turn out great.  I made some cookies that I took to a BBQ the next day and everyone was very impressed with them.  I had to admit that they were from a baking class when someone suggested that I should market and sell them. 

Monday was the parade and then a BIG nap before we went to a BBQ filled with kids.  I have never seen LO so excited about other kids.  She was the youngest out of the eight kids and they were constantly running and chasing each other.  She would stand in the middle and put her arms up while they were flying by her.  She would then chase after them on her little legs looking for them and shrieking.   They all stopped once to play with her and she kept wanting to hug the little girls because she was so excited. 

The other baby that is a few months older than her wanted to play with her but she was not interested in boys, just the older girls.  The BBQ convinced me even more that she needs more regular contact with groups of kids.  I would have never seen her at the BBQ if I didn't follow her around to make sure that she didn't fall off a set of stairs or drown in the toilet.  She is really starting to become a kid and not a baby, we even said goodbye to bottles this weekend and she didn't seem to care or notice.  It is more challenging for me to find creative ways to get enough dairy/calcium into her.  Any tips on getting kids to drink milk?

Monday, July 4, 2011

The Parade

It started with a dress rehearsal the evening before and some furniture moving.

Some impromptu dancing and piano playing.

We were set for the following day except that LO was skeptical meaning that she wondered why we missed mimosas and a hot breakfast.
But we got going and she started to enjoy herself.

She even walked a little at the end of the parade.
LO's friend played it comfortable and decided to stay in the wagon and take a little snooze.
The parade was a ton of fun and we will definitely do it again next year.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Money, Money, Money

Oh, how I do love you.  You are on my mind a lot and while we may have a tumultuous relationship, you still give me a thrill after an infusion of you like on payday.  I am the almighty money manager in this family and while it is NOT a role that I relish, it is better than the other way around.  I was in a relationship with a guy who would complain about the taxes on a phone bill.  He always wanted to control my larger paycheck and it was not a good situation.  So, there may be no awesome spreadsheets like at Polka Dot Hippo who should take over our finances if I wasn't so embarrassed about them, BUT we do have a NEW idea.

I have tried everything and I have tried a version of this before but I have heard that this really works for people.  I am only getting paid once a month which is actually awesome as I think it will make the envelope system work A LOT better. So on the first day of the month, I go to the bank and put a ridiculous amount of money in envelopes.  EVERYONE is rocking an envelope including LO, the cats, the nanny, DH and My Maria.  Everything down to toilet paper has an envelope.  There is even a misc envelope and a credit card envelope where you have to put cash if you use your credit card.  I was thinking of putting inspirational sayings on them like, "Hey F**ker, think before you take money out of here," but decided against it.

I also decided to use $100 bills so they don't spend as easy.  The bank thought that I was leaving town as it is not my usual MO to go INSIDE the bank.   This weekend will be a real test for us as it is a long weekend and we like to drink and we have a lot of activities planned.  I have decided to keep y'all updated to keep me a little bit honest. 

I am trying to decide who will have the most problems with this plan:

Family Member A who prefers shopping carts, expensive purses, glasses and clothes.  She has not met a Whole Foods store that doesn't make her drop a $50. 
Family Member B has a large hole in his pocket.  He operates by foot mainly in one small area where you can literally see the money flying by him in the wind.  He often has sidekicks who he may blame for his need of additional funds.  You have to play tough with this party goer.
Family Member C rocks the cradle and rules this small crazy world.  She spends more time perusing amazon and baby sites than any right minded person.  She will detect the smallest flaw in any item for her family and declare it time to buy a new one. Her house is equipped with every disaster item and baby proofed to the hilt.  She also believes that the next item of clothing, makeup, hair product or underwear will be the one to change her life. She can rationalize anything just ask her.

They are a cagey bunch but they are trying to avoid a retirement filled with insects and outdoor housing.  Wish them luck and DO NOT offer anything to them to buy, eat or wear.  They are on a DIET.