Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Bad Vietnamese Food or Pregnant?

WARNING--We are going to talk about the female anatomy and possibly sex.  Stop reading if any of the following apply to you.
1. You are male.
2. You are related to me.
3. You are grossed out by peeps mentioning sexy time.

Recently, I decided to go off the pill for no particular good reason.  I felt like I didn't need it and there is really a very small window to get pregnant each month and with all of my wackadoodle female anatomy issues, the chances really decrease.  When I was trying to get pregnant, I would watch 16 & Pregnant Season 1 and bemoan all of those kids who were having babies.  Why?? Why??? How do they have a Corona and bam they are pregnant.  I was tracking and testing and all the horribly unromantic stuff that comes along when you realize that you are screeching towards a dip in the fertile years.  I didn't discuss it with DH but just came to the last pack and didn't get a new prescription.  It may have been partial laziness as well.

So the first month rolls around and we actually get romantic during the danger time and I am a tad bit nervous even though I know the possibility is really slim.  The little tinge of worry starts to consume me as in, "What the hell were you thinking!" I start imaging not telling my job until the last possible second.  How would an all male executive team that just admitted their first woman into the "circle" react to me getting pg right away.  Hmmmm, guess I wouldn't be invited to Friday beers. So I start nay saying myself and denying the possibility and deciding that I am not ready at all.

Then I am getting close to when my period should start and I go out for Vietnamese food in a strip mall.  I get extremely nauseous and decide that I have to buy a pg test.  So I go to the ghetto supermarket and they are all locked up and I remember the last go around when the lady with the fake eyelashes yelled at me as I was leaving the store, "GOOD LUCK EITHER WAY THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU." So I leave the store in a hurry and wait another day.  I finally buy a test while picking up LO's meds so I can check out in the pharmacy all while feeling stupid.  I take the test and it is negative.  There is no three minutes of waiting as I remember the positive tests and I move on.  Then a week goes by and still no period.  The little creature of doubt swoops in again.  I have already resigned myself that LO may be my one and only and that I am not ready NOW which may translate to NEVER as I am getting OLD.  So I take another test and it is negative and I breath a tiny sigh of relief twinged with a little regret as holding a tiny baby is never a bad thing.