Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Not Winning

Can we be honest with each other right now? I am letting you down as a blogger, I don't write and when I do, it is not that interesting.  You feel the big bait and switch going on right now.  We had our first meeting, dating and now the honeymoon period is over.  You are wondering if I have said all that I can say and you are wondering if you should move on to the live feed of the eagle with its new babies.  Before you move on, I thought that we should take a test to see if we should even continue this relationship at all.

How to Not Be Winning.

1.  Do you eat garlic pizza moments before a big interview?
2. Do you forget interviews and then announce that you are not qualified for the job because they are boring you, after that person has hunted you down on the phone?
3. Do you turn around and notice that your toddler is playing in puke and rubbing it on herself?
4. Do you turn around and notice that your toddler is playing in pee and rubbing it on herself?
5. Do you stare off into space in the third hour of interviews as you are worn out from talking about yourself and you just want the questions to stop.
6. Are you judgy about people based on their demeanor/appearance when first meeting them?
7. Do you refuse to cut your mangy hair even though your husband woke up this am and told you to cut it?
8. Do you buy the wrong size of pants for a suit because you refuse to have a two size difference on the jacket and pant?
9. Do you buy pink pianos on a whim?
10. Do you have a list of "To Dos" a mile long that never gets shorter?
11. Do you roll five people deep that need to be called back?
12. Do you secretly want to name your next child Pippa and think that she looked a smidge prettier?
13. Do you give your child squeezable applesauce in the car and hope for the best?
14. Do you secretly believe that the weight will just come off when it feels like it?
15. Do you pretend to know things and then look them up on wikipedia in the bathroom?

If you answered Yes to everything then we are twins and should combine forces to populate the world with like minded people.

If you answered No to everything then you have probably left already. Sad day.