Monday, March 28, 2011

The British are Coming, The British are Coming

LO started out her birthday weekend by vomiting all over herself, my car and her car seat.  It was like the vomit episode on Family Guy.  We were on our way to the GI doctor and had to call to say we would be a few minutes late.  We arrived after a quick Starbucks napkin rubdown and he refused to examine her.   He had warned me about his aversion to vomit but I was still disappointed.  He did meet with us to exclaim his dissatisfaction with her eating progress and to recommend food therapy.  I knew that was coming in the back of my mind but I was bummed to hear it.  We received directions for weaning off medications and we were on our way.

I chalked up the vomit incident to motion sickness until that evening when I went into her room to check on her humidifier and she was lying awake in vomit.  Not crying but just laying really still.  It was really sad to see, so I cleaned her up and the bed and she slept the rest of the night.  She slept all day and then most of Sunday and we celebrated her big day as best we could.

Don't talk to me until I have my sippy cup and I know that you are not taking pictures, right now.

We had to manufacture some smiles. 

Ever the discerning palette.

So at the end of the day, I had some good champagne, cake and sushi and she muddled through.  I was enjoying my piece of cake in private after LO and DH went to bed when suddenly the Mama cat runs by with an orange tube in front of her eye. She had pulled out her feeding tube but the outside part was still attached to the tape around her neck.   I started hyperventilating and ran upstairs to get DH in a breathy, "The TUBE is OUT, The Tube is OUT, Wake UP!" in an alleged Paul Revere type of way.

DH rolled over and said that he was going back to sleep leaving me with the galloping blind cat running around the house.   Does anyone remember the PROMISE that he would take care of this damn cat?? I gave myself a moment to calm down from the sugar high and went and cut out the rest of the feeding tube. About 10 minutes later, DH rolls downstairs and congratulates me on my efforts and goes back to sleep. What the hell?!  So I go back to my cake and I hear LO coughing through the monitor.  I check on her and she sounds a little croupy but I decide it's my imagination and finally go to sleep.  I take girlfriend to the doctor this am and it is the croup mixed with the stomach flu and a cold type thing.  She avoided shots but is taking steroids.  Happy damn 1st Birthday!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Who Do You Do It For?

Recently, a fellow blogger who shall remain nameless unless you read her blog too, submitted her blog for a critique.  She had hoped for some tips on improving her blog to make it better in general. She received a scathing critique that targeted their perceptions of her and was lean to non-existent on the helpful tips.  I know that some bloggers attend conferences to improve their blog, monetize or increase readership which seems like so much work.  Is it all for the money? Is it all for show? Why do you blog? Why do I blog?  I started blogging because it was cheaper than therapy and I needed an outlet for some of the crap that I was thinking about.   If I did it for readership, than I would stop vomiting all over the screen with run-on sentences and bad punctuation.

I didn't think anyone would pay attention to what I had to say with the exception of my mother and I was fine with that.  Then people started stopping by and commenting and it was a crazy experience.  People actually gave a shite to peek into my little world wedged between a liquor store and car wash.  I started reading blogs as well and I realized that I gave a shite about them too.  I actually cared about what happened to their kids or that a bird pooped on them.   So, this is a convoluted thank you for giving a shite. Also, let me know why you blog? I'm interested.

Birth Story Part 2

So we arrive at L&D after an eternity of deserted long hallways.  I am expecting some type of urgency as I had seen a lot of movies where there are people bustling about and they are rushing to assist you.  This was more of a when I get done with my crossword puzzle, I will decide if you are really in labor.

They must have an abundance of false alarms as I felt that I needed to prove that the baby was on her way.  Finally, we were admitted and my doctor was called.  She agreed to come in to perform the c-section immediately as the hospital told her I would be fine until morning! I would have lost my mind and gone over to her house or delivered the baby myself a la the Duggar family.  We were hanging out waiting for the anesthesiologist and I was extremely nervous.  DH was taking more exciting pictures like this.
BTW, I was more than willing to take my wedding ring off rather than have it taped on.  The whole wild card is the crazy, angry anesthesiologist as my doctor had advised the best pain solution but she said that she can't advise the guy as he will pick what he wants to do.  So he decided on a spinal block and he got to work while DH suited up and took pics of himself.
Then he came into the operating room and took awesome pics of me.
Then everyone got ready and they tried to take LO out but the incision was too small so they tugged and tugged.  Then she pooped all over everyone so they were worried about her lungs.  While they were cleaning the baby, the clamp on the umbilical cord came off shooting blood all over the room.  In all the excitement, they asked DH not to come over to the baby until they told him he could.  I was so worried and so helpless.  They brought DH over to tell him about her sacral dimple and toe that was bent the complete other way.  I was convinced that something was wrong and no one was telling me so I refused more pain medication. 

Finally, we all met while my innards were being put back.

I was in love with her at the first moment.  I was relieved that she had arrived at a healthy six pounds and that all of the worrying was put aside for a few moments.  I couldn't wait to hold her and snuggle.  Unfortunately, the decision to refuse pain medication would haunt me in recovery as everything they gave me couldn't stop the pain.  In a final attempt to get in front of the pain, they stuck a big needle in my thigh of morphine.  The morphine finally kicked in and I was able to be wheeled to my room where I was reunited with DH and LO.   I actually slept for a few hours which was a relief as LO was born at 1:38 am on Saturday, March 27, 2010 but we didn't get to our room until dawn.

Recovery was not that fun at first but then they removed all of the various tubes and needles and it was a party.  There was pain medication and food and jello.  I have never eaten so much jello in my life as I could not get enough red jello even when I was allowed to eat anything, I longed for the red jello.  I could not stop holding LO and looking at her.  She slept on my chest in a little ball and I was so happy.  Over the past year, when things were tough, I longed to be back in the hospital with that jello in those first few miracle days with LO.

All of the uncertainty of pregnancy, fears for her health and lack of sleep have faded over the past year leaving me with new worries and fears but more importantly, a lovely 1 year old who steals my heart with her smile on an hourly basis.  She makes me laugh with her silly sense of humor, dance moves and open mouth animal kissing.  I miss her when she is sleeping as I could cuddle her all day and night.  I wish for her overall happy and easygoing personality to be lifelong and her to know that she is loved forever by me.

I won the lottery with you, my baby.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Birth Story Part 1

Since I started this blog three months into the parenting journey, I glossed over the whole birth story thing.  On the last day of Mommy & Me, the group leader asked us to tell our birth stories and they were a lot different a year later.  I remember the first two classes of Mommy & Me when we first joined were filled with only birth stories and there was a lot of emotion involved.  This go around was more, "Then I had the baby  and we all celebrated," delivered in a monotone voice.  There was more discussion of what we would do differently with the next go around.  So I thought I would share my birth story a year later as remembered by someone with a horrible memory.

Friday, March 26
I had probably cried approximately 47 times and complained about 423 things that day.  I was tired of worrying and being pregnant.  I was sick of going to the hospital for stress testing, home testing for diabetes, non-stop ultrasounds and the overall feeling of something was going to go wrong.  I was scheduled for a c-section on Monday as LO was breech and I had other complications that pointed to a c-section throughout the pregnancy.  I told DH that I could not stand being pregnant one more second and he suggested we go upstairs to bed.  I got in bed and felt a hard kick and my water broke.  DH was not entirely convinced and I was a bit skeptical as well but it soon became increasingly apparent that we needed to call the doctor.

My doctor had advised going straight to the hospital if my water broke so we began gathering our stuff and headed to the hospital.  I felt nervous but I was not in pain.  I was annoyed that DH was taking pictures like this when I would have liked to hurry it up a bit.  Hence me carrying a lot of bags and walking with no support through the hospital.  Where was my wheelchair, husband or compassionate nurse??

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

What Did You Accomplish Today?

Were you able to bite through a crib in one nap period with only 4 teeth? I think not.

Monday, March 21, 2011


I know that my posts have been a little "Help Please, Wahhhh is Me,"so I have decided to do a HELPFUL post.  You may or may not find the following list the least bit helpful but it sure as shite beats the hell out of another post about Mama Cat who visited the vet today AGAIN.

1.  Amazon Mom (which is awesome) will let you do a subscription for baby food similar to diapers and you get 15% off.  Even if you are not a mom, you should sign up for the program as it offers free two day shipping.

2. is having a coupon on Sprout baby food which uses all organic food with some spices for maturing the palate (extremely important)

3. Nosefrida - It's your friend.

4. Trader Joes - They have pre-cooked individually wrapped chicken breasts right near the dips and spreads section.  It is reasonably priced and LO starts screaming with excitement when she smells it heating up in the microwave. She can't chew or swallow it but she still shoves it in her mouth and sucks on it.

5. If your child attaches to a lovey, buy five of them.  Trust me on this one.

6. Ok a non-breeder, unemployed gal tip.  If your child drops a heavy object on your freshly painted toenails, you should go to a drugstore that lets you test the nail polish and cover the area with a somewhat similar color.  No one gets that close.  Bring a child or animal that will cause a distraction while you paint away. Disgusting or savvy?? Your welcome.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Redemption Song

So after my somewhat ranty post on Friday, I had a really relaxing weekend.  DH helped out with the Mama cat who is actually recovering and gaining weight.  Thank you for all your prayers (hahaha, I know you weren't praying for the cat). He got up with LO both days and cooked breakfast and lunch.  He left his computer at work and I felt relaxed because he wasn't stressed out.

I tend to get stressed during the week as I feel the weeks slipping away and I am still not employed.  I feel that it is a bad reflection on me and I take it personally when it is all business.  My original goal was to go back to work in May and I need to give myself a break once in awhile.  I am also starting to think about alternative work solutions.  I have always been afraid of not being employed by a large stable company but maybe it is time to give project work a go.

We attended a dinner at DH's boss' house on Saturday night and the women seemed a bit shocked by the number of hours that I used to be gone during a regular business day.  I am not ashamed of my previous schedule but I am starting to realize that I didn't DO a lot around the house.  I do a lot for the family but as far as cleaning, laundry, dishes, and baby bottles, I wasn't home enough to participate. I concentrated on bills, financial decisions, keeping the house stocked and all the damn appointments. I used the time away from work for focusing on LO and DH.  Now I am around and I am having a tough transition to say the least.  There are so many reasons to be thankful that I need to calm my business down a bit.  

We are on countdown to LO's birthday on March 27, her party on April 10 and a vaca in the mix.  Also, we are experiencing a rather rainy day here in Sunshineland and it feels great.  When it is always sunny, you are pressured to go outside and be active.  Now we have an excuse to stay inside and possibly not shower. 

Friday, March 18, 2011

Are You There God, It's Me Wondering about that Lottery Ticket

Since my drastic cry for help earlier this week, not much improved.  DH still worked late and still didn't help with any of the medications.  I medicate Mama cat three times a day with five different medications through her feeding tube and LO three times a day with two different medications.  In between trying to coax LO to chew and swallow solids in time for her birthday, I feel like a damn nurse.  Staying home full time with LO is wonderful as I am around for all the fun stuff like the cuddle and open mouth kiss/sneeze when she wakes up from a nap and the first steps BUT it is so physically exhausting.   I feel like a short order cook, maid and entertainment clown plus the nurse thing.

I am so sad that all of the outside the house jobs have such stiff competition as I feel really qualified and I get a good response from my interviews but there is always someone that is more perfect for the position.  I have to say that every position has come with a big drawback so I am sad to be unemployed but not really that upset about losing out on the jobs.  There are still some "doors open," but I am trying to move forward in a "that job is dead to me," fashion.

Unfortunately, it is expected that I will take on ALL of the house and baby responsibilities which leaves me a little bitter.  I can see how stay at home moms would feel taken advantage of and not appreciated.  Hallelujah to them as going to an office is way easier.  I hate to say that I don't want to be with LO every second but I want her to be proud of me and give her everything like clothes and food.  Also, damn that Janie and Jack store as they are having a friends and family discount this weekend JJFRIEND so I had to indulge in some Spring Green and Tailored Tulip nonsense.  In my defense, she will probably talk soon and then NEVER let me dress her.

I also indulged in a 5 pass Groupon to some weird play gym with a bunch of crappy toys 15 miles away because it was a "deal." We visited earlier this week and I made a promise not to let her go in the ball pit as they are such germ factories but she freaked out until I let her go in.  Here she is savoring in the grossness.

Also a pic of one of the three delicious varied meals that I feed her daily that falls out of her mouth instead of into her stomach.  Yes, that is our laundry behind her as that is how we roll.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Feline Drama

Unless a lot of peeps in this house get their business in check, I am going to rain down with some serious ass whooping chocolate and wine drinking madness.  I have never seen such large first world problems (Don't know who originally used "first world problems" but hilarious).  We have Baby Cat that has been crying and showing violent tendencies since the Mama Cat checked herself into the hospital for rehab exhaustion.  I figured that she would stop her crying and waking up babies business once the Mama came back from her vacation horrible confinement.  NOT THE CASE.

This biatch has been making herself throw up repeatedly on my NEW shoes.  Running around and hissing at everyone and acting even more violent.  I was putting LO to bed and she jumped on us and I was scared of her.  I held LO's hand so she wouldn't touch her and LO accidentally tapped her with her foot and horribleness ensued.   This biatch needs a new home if she can't improve her damn attitude.  I can't live with this Pet Semetary shite.  I think that Baby cat hates children and obviously cats with feeding tubes.  HELP.

Nanny With a Cam

Baby Gaga

Monday, March 14, 2011

Mama Cat Update

You may be wondering what happened to the mama cat after we opened up the AmEx and gave the green light to a bunch of animal loving, people and children hating crazies to fix our cat.  I was wondering as well so I called them up when DH left the country.  Although I wrote the cutesy Family of Five post and I love her, a small part of me thought it might be time to put the big sleep on if any signs of regression were evident.  DH was concentrating on big things in London and I was home with not much to do except run errands and possibly kill the cat.

So I called the vet and before I could even speak, they informed me that the staff had fallen in love with the mama cat and had all decided that they wanted to contribute to her care by donating their fundraiser money to our bill.   If someone starts a conversation with a contribution, you know the next sentence is going to be crap.  They wanted to call me later in the day to go over the bill with me.  I made an appointment to come see the cat with the feeding tube and my master plan was somewhat damaged.

They put us in a room so that we could spend some time together and the cat was all over the nurse.  As in, upset to see me.  She started explaining that she had been feeding the cat baby food and home cooked meals.  Mama cat finally paid attention to me after the nurse left the room in a "Go home lady," kind of way.   Unfortunately for her, I am still jobless and DH is back from Europe so she is coming home today.  A few pics from last week.


A feeding tube for a cat, not something you see every day.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Me and My Best Friend

Last weekend one of my family members mentioned that I never leave my baby in a conversation.  It was not a negative or positive, just a simple fact.  I started to protest and tell them all of the fabulous places that I have been without LO and then I realized that they may be right.  But why would I leave my baby as I love hanging out with her?  She doesn't talk, laughs at everything I say and I pick out all of her clothes.  She is a fabulous BFF.  I have been on an overnight business trip but Poppins was here when she wasn't sleeping so it really didn't count.

So Erica asked if I wanted to go to the Blathering with her this year and I agreed.  It is in October, we could all be living on Mars by then.  Agreeing to something in October is like agreeing to give up your first born when you are 14.  She registered us right away and then posted a banner on her blog.  So then I realized this is serious business and I started thinking about who would take care of LO.  Asking DH to take care of her for the weekend for something in October is easy as he will just agree but when it gets close he will have a do or die situation.

Projected sample conversation in September between DH and me:

Me "Only four weeks and then I am going to Austin."

DH "What is in Austin?"

Me "The Blathering which I have told you about weekly since March"

DH "What is the actual date?"

Me "It is the third weekend like I have told you 24 times before"

DH "Who is going to watch LO?"

Me "Her real father"

DH "I can't possibly do it as I will be showing my mini-horse at a competition that benefits children in South America"

Me "I didn't know that we owned a mini horse or that you showed them"

DH "This is only the single most important weekend of my entire year.  If I don't show my mini-horse than 500 children in Holland will be without clogs and have to go to school with no shoes."

Me "I thought it was South America"

DH "This is a serious issue but if this is really important to you than I will call up the President and tell him that I will be unable to assist him in balancing the budget that weekend"

Me "It is important but your weekend sounds so important that I can stay home and watch LO"

DH "You are the best wife"

Me "I know"

Designated weekend rolls around to find DH in his underwear watching TV.

Me "What happened to the President and the clogless children"

DH "I am so spacey, that is next weekend."

So I am going to the Blathering unless we are living on Mars or DH needs to save the world.  So if you are a stalker and want to chop me into a million pieces and stir-fry me, I will be in Texas in October.  Hope to see you there!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Haps

I have not been posting for the simple reason that I am LAZY.  Not working has turned me into a wine drinking, food loving, nap taking sack of shite.  I took a two hour nap this morning because I am tired from staying up late watching TV and shopping on the Internet.  I have had plenty to post about and I have thought about what to say in my head but I couldn't translate into a post.  I was feeling pretty low at the beginning of this week as I felt like no one would EVER hire me and then I did two phone interviews on Wednesday and I had a cool interview today.

The interview today was with a brand that I am extremely passionate about and it is a big girl job.  I would manage a staff of 15 and report to the CEO.  I had a slight panic attack before the interview that they may figure out that  I am an unintelligent young kid but then I looked in the mirror and realized that this is the next step in my career and I am an adult.  If I decide to go for a lower paying job with more flexibility it is not because I couldn't get the big job it is because I made the choice to not go for it.  There will be no blaming my children for lost opportunities.  I have the support system and freedom to take the big career.  I worked hard to reach this point in my career and the next steps are my decision.  Job hunting has been an interesting experiment in patience, ego and naps.

LO and I went to a bunch of parties this last weekend.  She cried about this weird phone until the mom insisted we take it home.  I want to throw it in the garbage as it is so annoying but she loves it.

We ordered balloons for her party and she insisted on taking the sample balloons with her everywhere.

By the end of the weekend, she was pooped.  I will try and be a little more timely with my post in the future but those are the haps.