I watched a scary movie on TV last night, Craigslist Killer and saw a bad accident on the freeway this am on the way to work so it got me thinking. Am I doing what I want to do with my life? I am terrified that I will bite it on the freeway to work instead of doing something awesome. I have a bday coming up and it is the start of a new year so it makes me reflect on death, doom and despair. I am really against a life with no responsibility and no job but is the joie de vivre being sucked out of me on a daily basis?
I no longer see a large stretch of carpet and do cartwheels because I may hurt myself. I visit a swimming pool once or twice a year but I used to spend months in a pool. I used to be proud that I could move all my worldly possessions in my Ford Escort and now I feel weighed down by stuff. Being an adult is hard and the weeks, months and years are slowly giving way to me being OLD. My parents had a 13 year old kid at my age and my dad rolled 4 kids deep when he was my age. FOUR KIDS people.
It is possible that I am feeling this way as my 10 day vacation is OVER and it didn't leave me fulfilled. I had visions of massages, facials, awesome bonding time with LO and fun times with family and friends. There were no massages, facials or even a lousy pedicure. LO was super cranky as her schedule was off, she had a cold and girlfriend will not nap without me holding her. She can scream forever and she doesn't "wear herself out." I felt like a big failure instead of super bonding mom with educational fun activities. We did have some good times and no work clothes were worn and I loved spending time with LO but long weeks of winter stretch before me and the possibility that I may bite it on the way to work.
3 years ago