Thursday, December 22, 2011

Ta Das

I have seen a lot of To Dos for 2012 floating around the ol' Internet so I thought I should write some shizz down so that I remember what I wanted to do instead of wandering aimlessly through life, which will probably happen anyways.

2012, you ol' crazy gal

Turn officially old and be happy.  So what if you thought you would retire and travel the world at this age when you were 16.  You also thought that the world kind of ended when you turned 30 and that didn't happen.

Go on a big trip.  The kid can walk and tell you when she is hungry and when she went to the bathroom.  It is time to load her up, put a rolly bag in her hands and get moving.

Buy a house which may conflict with the above but hot damn, it is time to move and rent our place and then never drive down that street again.

Pilates at lunch, after work or on Saturdays. 

Delivery meals to go bye, bye and home cooked meals a go, go.

Clean out the storage unit and throw 90% away.  I'm talking to you DH and your tape collection.  Clean out the house as well.

Make a final decision on pre-school for the love of all that is holy.

There are a few others but I like to keep everyone guessing a bit.  Even myself.

Finally, I leave you with some of my fav pics of 2011 and my fav video.

Have a great holiday and look for my tweets from my MIL's house! Bwahahahaha

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Real Friends

Real friends let you jump on their beds with no pants on.

Short Stuff


LO says assy when she means sassy.
She went to see Great Grandpa Irv on Sunday night with her auntie and he gets so excited about how intelligent and polite she acts.  She went around and said hi to everyone and told them her name.  This week apparently she is good with her real name.
LO likes it when I spray saline drops up her nose as it freaks DH out.  I don't have to chase her to do it and it is hilarious.
LO has started cleaning up everything including putting the bath toys away before she gets out of the bath and hanging up her towel.  She isn't quite flipping the light on and off 24 times before she leaves a room but I am pretty sure that is coming.   She puts her clothes away and straightens up her crib as well.  Strange and worrisome, yes.  Do I have the energy to worry, no.
Tomorrow is my last day of work until 2012! YESSS!
I changed our hotel for NYC on a whim yesterday and I feel good about it.  They sent me a follow-up email asking if I wanted to possibly upgrade our room and I said HELLS to the BELLS, YES.
LO has started loudly reading books out loud when I am reading to her.  She will grab another book and try and talk over me.

Things that Make Me Sigh

Wednesdays in our house represent the crazy.  Our crazy cleaning lady comes every other Wednesday and without fail that is the day DH wants to either work from home or just be home.  He asks me to reschedule almost every time.  Nine other work days and that is the day he wants to be home.  By the time, Wednesday rolls around, I am scared of our house.  Crazy Maria adds to the noise level and is straight crazy.  Three people in our small house for the day makes me run out of the front door on Wednesdays. 

Wednesdays are also lug the thirty pounds of dry cleaning to the dry cleaner for 50% off day and that is a pain in the ass for some reason.
My grandfather reiterated that I am going to the coldest place on Earth and asked if my MIL had a warm house.  I really hate being cold.
LO and I still have nasty coughs and she is really congested.  I can't decide if I should take her to the doctor before we go.  
DH is a habitual, crazy over packer and we all have to carry his stuff in our bags.  I long to only have my own crap in my suitcase and LO's crap.  I may get the chance to start out with my own stuff but his crap will work its way into my purse and suitcase.  Also, it will take him twice as long to pack for ONLY himself.  This sometimes irritates me a wee bit. Hugs, DH.
I feel like I found the perfect white elephant gift except the party was last weekend and I will have forgotten by next year.
I finally found a cat sitter but she looks CRAZY in her pictures. sigh

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Before a trip, I don't really think about it and then I reach a tipping point and I become SO FLIPPING EXCITED that I can't sit still for EVEN a second.  I start looking stuff up online to DO and then I can already taste the champagne at the Champagne Bar and having LO makes it SO DAMN FUN.  I am not excited for the freezing COLD weather but I am excited to take a trip with LO and DH.  I have printed out a map with POIs and I am already PLANNING.  The only downside is that I get reaaaallllly antsy upon arrival that we are NOT engaging in FUN every second.  I am going to take advantage of staying with John's family to unload LO on them have LO spend quality time with them and go see a movie at night.  The last movie I saw was Babies with LO, yeah its been awhile.  I am dying to see The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and I already looked up movie times. 

We are going to NYC for a few days after spending time with DH's family in BFE upstate NY.  AND that is where all of the planning is being concentrated.  FAO Sschwartz for LO, Dylan's Candy Factory for ME, Champagne Bar for EVERYONE.  I haven't been to NYC since before I was pg and I can't wait.  I do have some jealousy for everyone going on a beach vacation but the gnome under my shirt is pretty happy not to bare his soul in a bikini.  DH and I were discussing the gnome and he is pretty sure it was a shadow or trick lighting.  That is why I married him.  Are you in a frenzy or a tizzy? Or is all the chocolate at the office making you half hyper and half subdued?

Monday, December 19, 2011

Shegetz Struggles

I wanted to let y'all know that I am in a gang.  I went to a gang party this weekend with my crew (LO) and one of the gang members and I were discussing a recent article that she posted on Kveller about celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas in the same house.  She is a shiksa trying to bring out the religion in her husband while exposing her child to the Jewish traditions.  I thought the article was very interesting and well written, even if the ham and latke combo made me quiver. 

Most of the peeps in my gang are trying to meld together two cultures or religions to expose the children to a blend of mommy and daddy.   Being married to a shegetz, I get it.  It would be easier if we were from the same background but that seems to happen less and less these days or I am in the wrong gang.  Her article was in response to this article saying that you can't celebrate both and if you are going to celebrate one then it should be Christmas.  WHAT? In my opinion that is crap and not how I was raised,  we celebrated Hanukkah and went to my mom's side of the family on Christmas Eve for dinner and presents under the tree.  There was no mention of Jesus, just family games, presents and sugar.  Some of my best memories with my family are from those evenings but I wouldn't give up being Jewish for it.

If we had a gun to our heads, we would forsake Christmas as that is the only thing that we acknowledge of the religion.  Ok, one more thing, my Jewish grandma always lets me dye the hard boiled eggs before she made egg salad for her ladies lunch when I was growing up.    Considering the .99 dye kits were only available at a certain time of the year, did we inadvertently acknowledge Jesus' Resurrection rendering us bad Jews and exposing her friends to not only bluish eggs but some sort of penance?

So many families have found beautiful ways to meld together two cultures.  Isn't knowledge and understanding of other people's beliefs the way to less conflict or are all of the "mixed" couples ruining EVERYTHING?

Friday, December 16, 2011

Working for the Man

I got a text over the weekend asking if I was happy in my current position and would I be interested in applying for another position close to my home.  I asked for flex hours and significantly more money and they said it was possible to do one or the other.  I passed the job to one of my friends also looking for the same type of position and decided not to apply.   I committed to my current job and I like to work a certain amount of time and then reevaluate.  I took a quick peek at my friend's resume and holy cow, it was like looking at the dream career path minted in gold and jewels.  Good or bad, I do not have the golden resume and grad school that would make me CMO of a Fortune 100 company.  I have never wanted to be CEO but I wouldn't turn down CMO.  

I tell myself A LOT that one parent's career has to take a backseat and it should be mine and I want the time with LO but a small part of me feels the pull.  I'm not the sharpest cookie cutter and my credentials aren't the shiniest but I make up for it in ambition and street savvy, (I mean Wall Streetesque savvy, not fistie cuffs).  DH suggested getting rid of my war torn roller bag that has accompanied me on every biz trip and around Europe and I declared that we must fix it ALL costs.  So what if it is more likely to see diapers and loveys than business attire and heels.  Career g-ds, please don't pass me by as a small part of me will always feel/need the adrenaline from a big work win.  How will I have my second career if I don't complete my first career to my satisfaction? I would rather be labeled a great mother than a great businesswoman but I don't believe one can be forsaken for the other in this story.   Are you letting your career slide and how far will you let it go?

Thursday, December 15, 2011

My Perfect Day

Cue the opening music from Legally Blonde--the first ONE.

I have a birthday next month that I am dreading because it is a BIG one and if I don't plan something we can be promised that it will be spent similar to my 29th birthday where I cried through birthday cocktails, dinner and dessert in a nice restaurant.  DH who was DB then seemed a bit embarrassed but said he understood.  I think he is all for not repeating that same scene.  So for the past few months, I have been trying to decide what I wanted to DO.

Idea #1
Have a big blow-out party where we all drink and dance and HAVE FUN.  Except that everyone I know has kids and gets tired at 10 pm AND no place strikes my fancy.  Also, there was that unfortunate incident at DH's 40th bday that shall remain not talked about.  I mean he will be 45 soon and I can just throw him the BIG party.

Idea #2
Go on a trip with my oldest bestie who is also turning the same age.  Except that finding a nice place that can accommodate 2 moms and babies is proving to be difficult.  Houses require a week or more to rent in the winter months.  Maybe wait until later in the year and then it is really not a b-day activity.

So I think the below is my perfect day, although it might be a bit tough to achieve:

Wake up at the Four Seasons in Santa Barbara where a breakfast burrito from Cantina in Isla Vista is waiting for me and some champagne.

Go to the spa for a massage and shower and then onto ATVs in Santorini Greece for a cruise around the island.
After seeing some sights.....
 Find a place on the water to have lunch
Then back to suite overlooking the caldera to hang with friends
And watch the sunset
After the dip, I would go to the hot chocolate bar at the Ritz in Half Moon Bay, CA
Before a walk along the ocean and then lemon crab pasta at Pasta Moon
After dinner, I would like to drink Grande Dame champagne while eating Pierre Marcolini milk chocolate and almond bars AND Vic's mint chip ice cream, while sitting on a blanket on the grass gazing at the Eiffel Tower talking to DH about our future dreams.

Finally a night cap with friends at Sunnyside in Lake Tahoe and quick karaoke session before lights out in my own bed.

If that happens, I don't think a single tear will drop.  Just saying.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Before the Kiss

I don't want you to think that LO is fast in the sense that she is a lady of the night or comes on strong.  Her make-out sessions started out with a tentative wave to say hello.
And some conversation with mutual admiring glances.
And some snacks.
She is a classy lady.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The Hair and The Gnome

It could be a fairytale or a NIGHTMARE.  I was sent a pic of the hair in all of its glory over the weekend due to my lack of picture taking, it was one of the first times I could study the hair.  I would have spent time studying the hair but I was taken back by the GNOME  under my shirt.   Just so you know, I was sucking it in.  Look at my smile, just saying I am sucking it in and have NO CLUE about the gnome under my shirt.
I am posting this picture to remind myself that when one buys these cookies "for the office," one should not scarf down 90% of them.   These cookies rock my world:

Damn the chocolate French schoolboy and his lovely biscuits.   What is making gnomes appear for you lately??

Is It Summer Yet?

I could tell you about the sucky parts of my weekend and how returning to work on Monday didn't seem like the worst idea and then the nanny called in sick OR I could tell you about a fun new family tradition and some pictures. 

Family Fun
LO and I hit the Walgreens toy aisle as I lacked the fortitude to get my rear to Target and we were pleasantly surprised by the selection.  We were able to pick up a number of toys for Spark of Love.  I baked cookies and we went as a family to our local Fire Station to give cookies to the firefighters, drop off the toys and get a tour of the station.  I had wanted to bake cookies to drop off on 9/11 but couldn't get it together.  LO and DH were both impressed with the fire trucks and they invited us back when she is a bit older. 

I read MODG and she started a forum for people in need and people with stuff to give and while I considered putting my pie maker under the "In Need" section, I decided to check myself and volunteered LO's clothes and some diapers to one of the moms.   Usually, we adopt a family and I am all over people to donate stuff and we have done home challenged bags for our local neighbors, but I wasn't feeling it this year.  We donated toys to the Toys for Tots and the CHP version in addition to Spark of Love as well but I still wanted to help someone directly.  Her site is very grassroots and not "screened" but sending LO's clothes and some diapers to a single mom of two feels okay and not like someone is going to steal my identity.  Check it out!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

I Love Me

Stop watching us.
We are ignoring you.

Friday, December 9, 2011


It's FRIDAY and I need a NAP but enough about my first world problems.  Only NINE more days until I am off work for ELEVEN days and so what if I am traveling to the coldest place on Earth, I can drink wine and hold LO and kiss DH at will.  I had some concerns about being at my MIL's house for an extended period of time but I am feeling better about it. ALSO, I surprised ordered THIS for her house for LO.  BWAHAHAHAHHAA.  I would have preferred the rocket ship as you know I'm not big on the princess junk but this was eight dollars cheaper and more obnoxious.
My other thanky parts are to all the peeps that have been commenting as of late as you have been cracking me up lately, "Man Cold" from Elsha and rectal thermometer musings.  I also call the big BS to those of you that are saying you let your kids blow their own nose.  LO can blow her own nose and wipe her face BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  Oh wait, I am supposed to be thanking y'all.  I have also loved all of the holiday posts as it is comforting to think of you JUST TRYING TO MAKE SOME G-DAMNED FAMILY MEMORIES.   This is GO season for so many and I LOVE it.  Keep on truckin' with all the December cookies and merriment.  Lastly, if you are linking to my blog and you are not listed on my blog roll, call me OUT on it in the comment section.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

What Happens After Your Kid is Sick?

Yes, LO gave her cold to me and then DH.  I knew that I would get her cold and it is really not that terrible.  I feel tired and I have a sore throat, cough and runny nose.  It is the winter, we have colds and we will all make it.  With the exception of DH who needs handling.

DH dramatic whisper: I'm sick, can you get me __________?

Me: I'm sick too maybe you could turn out the light yourself?

DH: You're sick?

Me: Yes, I choose not to act like I'm dying.

DH: But I am REALLY sick like when I was in 'Nam and had gangrene and agent orange exposure.

Me: You seem a little young to have been in 'Nam.

DH: I watch a lot of documentaries.

Me: Are you going to work?

DH: No, I'm too sick.

Me: Oh well I was just thinking if you stayed home, you could take LO to school or go on the new school tour as both things are at the same time.

DH dramatic cough: I'm too sick to do anything. 

Me: Yeah, I have to go to work as I have no sick days or vacation as I'm using them all to go visit your mom where it is a million degrees below freezing. 

DH: You can't guilt me into doing anything.

Me in my mind: Death to your soul.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

White Elephant Idea of the Day

Booty Pop Enhancing Underwear


I love online shopping like it's my job.  The price comparing, the reviews, the sheer joy of ordering and receiving.  Lately, we have been receiving a ton of catalogs and it is feeding my crazy.  LO and I snuggle on the couch and open holiday cards and look through catalogs together. LO enjoys the PICTURE cards the BEST (side eyes Hilly).  So last night, when I received the Williams-Sonoma catalog and THIS was on the on the cover.
I HAD TO HAVE IT! An individual pie maker ON SALE.  But what if I could find it EVEN cheaper?!  I imagined myself throwing parties making PIES.  A pie party! So I brought it up to DH and he seemed a bit skeptical as we have no room, I DON'T LIKE PIE and what about the individual Le Creuset Four Mini Cocottes from last year still in the box.  He had the good graces not to bring up the individual toaster oven tins and cookbook as well.  But then I found a knock-off pie maker for a quarter of the price--could it be???
DH asked me not to buy any pie making machines until we got a bigger house but YOU can and I think YOU SHOULD.  As dreams of my pie parties faded, I decided to console myself with matching western themed flannel pjs for the whole family for New York.   Nothing says you should have let the pie maker slide like MATCHING PJs.  Look for pics of the family bonding in the new year!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

White Elephant

I have a white elephant gift exchange coming up and I love these sorts of party ideas.  Both of these items are speaking to me.   I wish you could see the sheer size and bulk of the snowman but he does seem to be a toddler accident machine with his nails and wood sticking out.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Winners from a Whiner

I was totally gungho on the mascara and cards part of my contest and then the other products faded away a bit.  I have been trying them out and some I liked and others not so much.  The issue is that I have tried Oil of Olay and I have read the research on their products.  I SHOULD LOVE them as they are really well reviewed and receive HIGH ratings but my skin thinks that the OoO lady sucks.  I buy the products and then I get dry and itchy and the hating starts. 

Jess and Elsha suggested Clinique's moisturizer and I used to use it and buy at gift time, but it didn't help much when I became OLD a little longer in the tooth.  So a long segway to a winner, I am using the CeraVe with SPF from Erica during the day and my skin has not become overly angry.   Also, the price is the REAL winner at $14-15. 

Erica also suggested the Physician's Formula eye shadow 10 pack which are cool but I have a fear of owning that many eye shadows.  What if I was feeling crazy and wore five all at once or do certain colors have to go with other colors?  BUT I did like their eyebrow pencil as it had one of those brushes on the end so I can smoosh my drawn in brows to look normal and not like a crazy person.  So she is the winner for the EYE portion as well.

Am I missing anything?? Keep me honest, people.

Questions for YOU

I can ponder certain questions for hours but this is what I am pondering right now:

1.  When do you stop using the rectal thermometer? What do you use next?

2.  When do you stop sending out monthly pictures of your baby to your friends? Your family? Your parents?

3.  What do you call gas and poop to your kids? Right now LO thinks poo poo is hilarious. She also likes to say gas.

4.  How do you get the nose clean when it is a gooey mess? Nose freida seems a bit strange at the toddler age?

5.  If your child insists her name is something different than her given name, do you go with it or insist REPEATEDLY that isn't her name?

6.  If your husband hides items from you and then they "magically" appear when you return from a weekend away and he insists you are the crazy one, do you hide his wallet or his car keys?

7.  Are you worried about Teflon? If yes, what pans have you bought to replace Teflon and do you like them?

Screaming Toddler on a Plane

LO and I took our mommy and me trip this weekend to visit one of my oldest and bestest mommy and baby friends for some holiday winter fun.  We started off the trip by LO flinging drinkable yogurt all over both of us before we took off but I would NOT let the rank smell spoil our FUN.  We landed and went straight to milkshakes and hot dogs where LO drank a vanilla milkshake like we should have put an IV in her for the "ice" goodness.   We then ventured to Fairytale Town which she LOVES and my hippie heart approves.  There is a Mother Hubbard shoe slide, a Big Cheese to climb in, three little pigs and some other general non sponsored or branded stuff.  There is even a special key that you insert into old decrepit boxes to hear a song or story.  We hung out in a big tee-pee and talked about general kid stuff like being 4 and three quarters. 
Both kids fell asleep on the way home and we decided to just drive to let them sleep.  Moments like those are when I really wish we could get on some Jetson like innovation where cars could drive themselves and we could drink champagne and eat cookies and just chat and snooze or watch reality television.

LO tends to be the younger kid in a lot of situations which has given me a chance to watch different parents explain "babies" to their older kids.  So now that she was the bigger kid, I decided to take the approach that the baby just automatically wins and we need to give the baby what he wants.  She was cool with the concept but felt the need to demonstrate how a lot of his toys worked.
I really enjoy taking mommy and LO trips together, but the strange beds tend to result in the death grip of love.
On the way home, we were both tired and the unthinkable happened, LO lost her paci before the plane took off.  I give her a paci on take-off and landing for her ears and general passenger enjoyment but it flew out of her mouth and was lost in the under seat abyss.  She started screaming and I just went with it.  I made sure she wasn't kicking any seats and I was totally fascinated.  I would have been embarrassed if we were in a restaurant or first class but we were in general admission with no seat assignments and nothing I could do.  I tried talking to her for the first 30 seconds and then I just started laughing on the inside. 

How long could she possibly scream? Everyone with kids experiences a similar situation and flying is so disgusting does it really matter anymore?  She lost steam after five minutes and then started talking to nearby passengers as if she hadn't just wanted to claw out their eyes.  People were more embarrassed for me than anything.  She welcomed being home by waking up SIX times last night, only to discover this am that she has come down with a cold.  Winter FUN being had by all!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Incident Report

Side note--I love DH and his individuality and distinct personality.  He is especially great at knowing what he wants and HOW EVERYTHING SHOULD BE according to him.  I try to tell him that bamboo is strong but flexible.  DH has taught me to not take everything to heart and that people will like or dislike you and all of that is ok. Thumbs up, DH.

I took LO to school yesterday and the teacher took me aside to discuss a few things with me as DH had taken her to school before the break so I hadn't been in a few weeks.  Does the teacher needing to discuss items with you bring you the terror? Do they see a learning disability or has anyone else noticed her ABSOLUTE inability to share? Although, I will say that she learned, "Mine" from the other kids at school.  See how I pointed the finger at OTHERS on that one. 

I mean if I was the DEVIL's mother than I would be really scared or maybe just accepting at this point but whatever.  She was wondering if I had talked to DH about the incident that happened when he took her to school last time? INCIDENT? He told me that he had questioned their need for donations when we pay to go to school there.  I had thought in my mind, "Eeeeek dude, the one week you take her and they hit you up for money.  I should have told them to let me handle all the "stuff" and not to worry his pretty little head about any of that junk."  He said he refused to take the folder with all of the donation stuff, sigh.  So I said no he didn't mention any incidents as clearly his grumpiness towards childcare costs and donations can't be considered an INCIDENT. 

Then she brought up his concerns about the program as a whole and I started to see our chances of being accepted into the program slipping away as we are on a TRIAL basis.  From my understanding and his apparent amnesia on the subject, there was an incident at the water table with HIM, NOT LO.  He was upset about the baby washing area and the water.  So he took it upon himself to dump out the water.  HOW DOES THAT WORK? Where did he dump the water? Was the table forcefully dumped while 2 year-olds looked on? Were there shivers of fear as a crazy man yielded a table above his head and projectile threw it???  I assured her that I would discuss with him and she felt that it was better that she discuss "the program" with him.  Is that program as in get with THE PROGRAM, give us the checkbook and go on with your bad water table throwing self AT HOME or else?

DH is so loving and supportive of LO and me and works so hard but dude is crazy.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Do I Look Schweaty?

All I kept asking was do I look schweaty? DO I LOOK SCHWEATY? I should have been more specific, do I look like a schweaty clown who needs filler?
Observe a playful head tilt, oh wait that is a baby ripping fake hair out of my head.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Holiday Rage

Last night, we had a repeat rage session.  I noticed that she was a little cranky when I got home but not a big deal.  Then she insisted on feeding me broccoli stir fry with a large fork except that her aim sucks and it went everywhere.  Grease everywhere but I wanted to encourage her use of utensils and obvs I try to feed her a lot.  I denied her the use of a steak knife which irritated her.   Then the train flew off the rails when I wouldn't unzip my wallet.  A screaming fest started and she can't stop herself so I took her upstairs and put her to bed.   I tried to hug her and comfort her but she pushed me away so I changed her clothes and put her in her bed.  She screamed at the top of her lungs for five minutes and then I checked on her, held her and repeated that it was bedtime and she went to sleep an hour early again. 

What do you do when uncontrollable rage starts? I am usually in the camp that they need a tension release and I don't get upset.  What are your thoughts?  She has 16 teeth and no fever, BTW. 

Holiday Plans

I have seen A LOT of EXCITING planning going on that involves a lot of WORK on a ton of blogs.  I applaud everyone's creativity and resourcefulness.  I'm going to break it on down for you. 

Holiday Cards
The first round of "general" cards were sent today.  I am missing some addresses and my Hanukkah cards are square and require more postage so the second set will be out by Friday.

LO Hanukkah Gifts
I bought her a book for each night and we will light the candles on her Menorah and ours each night that we are home.   I will also throw in some latkes and a meat surprise one of the nights.

Holiday Activities
This weekend we are doing a fun holiday mommy and me mini trip with another mom and her baby for some spirited winter fun.  I will drink spirits and she will have fun?

Next weekend, my mom visits and LO gets to open up all of her gifts from grandma.

The following weekend, we are doing a gift exchange with our mommy and me group and a baby holiday party.  Also, a few adult holiday parties scattered about.

Also, there is a lot of tree smelling going on.  Sometimes leaving in the hood has its advantages with all the empty lots turning into big sniffing tree lots.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Bookie Wins

I have read quite a few books lately that have not sucked.  I got most of the recommendations through your blogs but thought I would repost a few before I forget completely.  I should mention that my standards for books has been reduced considerably due to lack of time and memory.  Nonetheless:

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter & Sweet
I am not big on war stories especially romance during wars.  I'm glad that I had a weak moment as I really enjoyed this book.  I found the relationships and prejudices from different generations very interesting and I feel like I didn't know enough about the internment of the Japanese during the war.  There is no steamy romance just a nice friendship between two tweens during a difficult time in the world.

Ape House
Sara Gruen wrote Water for Elephants, this is not that book.  I love Water for Elephants and if you are expecting that book then you will hurl this book through the window.  If you can accept this is a different book, then you will read an interesting story. 

The Litigator
I like John Grisham, there I said it.  Are we still friends? Don't tell me that you didn't read Danielle Steele in the 80's.  Get over it, he is an entertaining writer.

The Forgotten Garden
I loved the Secret Garden growing up and the countryside in England continues to be one of my favorite spots to visit.  I am reading this book and I love it.  It is a bit longish and it jumps between three different times in history but I am really enjoying the tale.  I just ordered the other two books that she wrote to read next. 

I also ordered Molokai to read because nothing says holiday fun like leprosy.  What are you reading?? Anything new in my other fav subject, polygamy??

Black Monday Mandate

I propose that the Monday after Thanksgiving be called Black Monday.  This day rivals January 2 as one of the worst days for going back to work.  You drag your biscuits back to work and all you want to do is close your eyes and take a nap.  We attended a four day eating contest wedding extravaganza that was ab gorg (absolutely gorgeous).  I could show you pics of the beautiful bride or the cuteness of LO but I only snapped one picture.  I didn't bring my camera as I knew that balancing a strapless dress, a baby and five inch heels would push my dexterity to the limit.  So at midnight I snapped a picture of my own vanity.
Sometimes an idea on Tuesday at 5pm seems like a better idea than the actual execution three hours before the wedding starts.   My closest in age first cousin was married  this past weekend.  She was the first baby to be born in my family (both sides) after me and my "first baby."  I remember carrying her and talking about her non-stop.  Every few years I stumble across her as my first subject from my first camera and there are so many pictures of just her--on a swing, on a step, standing.  My creative photo ideas obvs didn't come until later and with a much less willing subject, side eyes LO.  I actually cried when I tried to give a blessing which will surprise all of you that I think I have a cold dead heart, side eyes DH. Her wedding was also the final nail in my coffin of oldness.  When younger people start getting married and it is not inappropriate or a shotgun wedding, you are OLD.

So onto my own vanity, I got clip-in hair extensions.  Ok, now that you have stopped laughing, I will tell you my GOAL.  I wanted to be able to do something pretty or interesting with my hair for the wedding.  I was thinking a little discreet hair to pull back or curl.  I didn't think that I would look like Peggy Bundy with a longer mullet.  Usually you think about these ideas and then you have them cut and try them out BEFORE the big day.  You don't go hours before and expect everything at once from someone you found on YELP.  I left the salon uneasy and she assured me that I JUST needed make-up and I would like them better.  She kept saying they weren't as long as I thought.  I put on makeup and the curl fell out of them and it looked like a terrible wig.  I saw a few pictures yesterday and I wanted to scratch out my own eyes.  After how many years, I have finally figured out that I have a long face that doesn't look good with longer hair.  WHICH IS GREAT because she also cut my hair and cut me bangs.  My usual steely defenses against layers and bangs were broken down by anxiety about running late.  Sigh, at least I can easily forget Hairaster 2011, oh wait it is immortalized FOREVER on video, camera and beyond. 

Spending four days with LO was amazing and we managed a lot of QFT (quality family time).  DH was truly a champ all weekend and a great date.  Being old beats the hell out of sharing a room with older family members that may or may not snore so loudly that sleep is impossible.   Although, I have drawn you a pic of the suite that we had and my pitiful sleeping arrangements.

The amount of attention paid to LO over the weekend bordered on ridiculous and I think she is starting to believe her own hype.  I caught her french kissing herself several times over the weekend.  Also observe the obnoxious bright pink tennis shoes.  After two shoes stores 20 pairs of shoes offered and sighs of resignation from DH, she picked out shoes that look a lot like Dolly's shoes. 

Lastly, one of the cutest things to happen in LO's world this weekend was a Friday night play date with one of her BFFs (other than her own image).  One of LO and my fab mommy and me friends stayed with LO while we attended the rehearsal dinner.  When we came home and it was time to say goodbye, both girls ran up the stairs and sat in the dark next to each other on the same step hiding.   Do you remember doing that as a kid when you didn't want your friend to go home, I melted a bit inside.   Hope your turkey, booze and sugar consumption was high, so we can put a Black Monday nap mandate into effect. 

Friday, November 25, 2011

Talkin Turkey

Thanksgiving was amazing as in best day evah.  LO woke up late after only one night screaming session and she sang to herself in the crib for an hour giving me time to relax and lay in bed.  A quick trip for breakfast crepes followed by her "smelling" the Christmas tree lot made me one happy mama.  A big nap for all three of us and a quiet lunch for DH and me followed by an awesome dinner at my aunt's house for 55 people.  I love large turkey day celebrations with mixes of the old and young peeps.  LO showed me that she is growing up too fast by hanging out with the other flower girls and only popping in for a quick hug.  The only thing that I would say that upsets me about having divorced parents is the holidays or celebrations.  At big events, I missed that reassurance of a quick hug from my mom or dad.  I always felt a bit insecure not having a touch point among the happy chaos.  So an extra squeeze for LO is always in order.

As an adult the holidays tend to snap us back to the traditional roles that we played as kids, eh.  During the year, I am a live and let live type of person but during the holidays I turn into a fixer.  I must fix this for ______.  Most recently, it is the urge to fix for my father and I can't help but wonder if I am fighting against the current.   People must play their own roles and as much as I want to fix, am I supposed to be mature enough not to fix? DH is a fixer himself and tells me just to take care of whatever needs to be done but am I doing something for someone else based on my own feelings of insecurity?  Ahhhh, heavy subjects for such a happy day but allow me a little leniency as it is 10 years since my brother died and although the anger has dissipated, sometimes the sadness creeps in even though you fight so hard against it.  Also, probably a little bit of a fix for a parent isn't the worst thing in the world when his sadness must be creeping as well.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

House Hunt

I have found a new house to fawn over.  My aunt suggested I look at the house and I was like grumble grumble, too busy of a street, grumble but I really like it and want to marry it.  DH even likes the house but there is one teeny issue.  The price is a bit high and this is in the kitchen. 

WHAT IS THAT? How am I supposed to sell DH on the house not needing upgrades right away if there is a contraption in the kitchen that looks crazy pants!?  The location is great and they have sidewalks and the right schools and close to numerous bakeries but WHAT IS THAT?  Oh yeah, send cash NOW, mommy needs a new whatever that is.

Abu Dhabi Bound

Last night, I was feeling a little stir crazy and wanted to go do something in the hour after work, before LO's bedtime.  DH has been working non-stop and sometimes a girl just wants to go eat some yummy food.  I took LO to a restaurant that was a bit fancier than I remembered with white tablecloths and VERY quiet.  The thought of strapping her back in the car, made me decide to just go for it alone.  The last time, LO and I ate alone, she vomited all over the table as soon as we sat down.  This time was a lot worse as she was just loud and jumping and wanted to bang on the wall and throw stuff.  I rushed through my meal WITHOUT wine and paid really quickly and then a piano player started playing and she sat still and listened to him without moving for 15 minutes.  I already had heartburn from eating so quickly but she had a good time.

I would not have taken her out if I had known that she would be up the EVERY 45 minutes the entire night SCREAMING.  I feel like death today and almost ripped DH's face off for just being in my general bad mood vicinity.  We finally gave up at 6am and let the monster run wild all while screaming, "Abu Dhabi, Abu Dhabi." I heard DH mutter that he was going to buy her a one way ticket.  Why is this kid up screaming?? Help me!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Pre-Holiday Crazy, Just for Fun

We had a crazy weekend where I felt like a bad mommy for packing in so much crap into one weekend when I know that the next six weeks will be crazy.  I do get some weird comfort that the nanny provides a much more relaxed pace so the poor thing can recover.  Friday night we avoided the Souplantation and hit up the Counter instead.  LO inhaled an inordinate amount of french fries that I think gave her gas for the rest of the weekend.  She ate almost an entire adult family size plate of fries.  I could have stopped her sooner but I had NEVER seen anything like it.  She can go an entire day with consuming a bite of cheese and some milk.  I worry constantly about her lack of food and veggie consumption but obviously she can consume a lot more food as long as the food is fries. 

Saturday, LO and hit up our first warehouse sale downtown.  Practically every weekend you can go to a sample or warehouse sale but I never go as the pace and intensity can be frightening.  Another mom suggested we go but Friday night both of us were tired and it sounded like  a horrid idea so we decided to skip.  Saturday morning LO and I were just sitting there looking at each other so we hopped in the car and hit the Splendid, Ella Moss, Little Ella sale and it was a lot of fun.  LO LOVED the loud music and looking at the racks and racks of clothes. I found a ton of kids clothes on the cheap and feel like I could do it again. I got a call asking LO to join my family at a LA KINGS game so she was off to the game and shopping as soon as we got home.  DH and I found ourselves with time to OURSELVES that involved champagne shopping.  We drank champagne and then went shopping which is ALWAYS a bad idea.  LO came home that night right before I went to Mom's Night Out in honor of another mommy friend pg with her second baby.  Second baby, second baby, second baby, ahhhhhhhhh.

Sunday, my dad flew into town to see LO and go to Santa Barbara in the pouring rain to see a private museum with one of the largest sports memorabilia and pop culture collections in the country.   LO was not impressed with much except the Oompa Loompa costume and the submarine from 20,000 Leagues under the Sea.  I was impressed with the ELF costume in the Will Ferrell movie outfits collection and the pink dress worn by Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.  My dad liked the Michael Jackson collection which had his iconic white glove, red bejazzled sweater and an outfit with a lot of tassels and such.  There was also enough sports memorabilia to make your head spin like the original rules of basketball written in a notebook.  Basketball was supposed to be a female sport BTW.  They also had the Holy Grail tablet from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade one of my all time fav movies growing up.  I also did love Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory but was disappointed to see the everlasting gobstopper and the golden egg just looked like movie props.  Other cool stuff included the Lucille Ball dresses and fur and the first edition book collection. 

Then on the way home at the airport my dad was almost hit by a car.  I can't event talk about it as I am still in shock that he didn't see the CAR racing towards him and then he was on the front bumper ALL because he left his phone in our car.  LO broke down HARDCORE when we got her home and demanded her bed immediately.  Poor thing, put a lovey on her face and wanted to be left the hell alone.  Oh LO, I love you and will try in JANUARY to make things less hectic.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Mascara Winner

The mascara trials and tribulations ended today with me trying Michelle's suggestion of  L'Oreal True Match Naturale mineral-enriched mascara in blackest black. I really liked this mascara as it was light and the package said that it was natural with an "e" which warmed my wannabe hippie heart.  I realize that it is a marketing scheme but I love me a good branding/packaging effort.  I would have chosen this mascara if I wanted something that looked and felt natural. 

BUT I love me so goopy thick mascara like MODELS wear so the winner is Hillary with Covergirl's Lashblast Fusion.  DM your address through Twitter and I will send you a tube!
You can TOTALLY tell the difference!

Sleep, Gifts & Meds

LO is back to sleeping through the night again.  Praise whoever, it is wonderful.  I waited to long to increase her medication is basically what happened.  I knew that her reflux was bothering her but I kept telling myself that she HAD to be getting better because SO MANY DOCTORS said it would be better at one year.  Then it was 18 months and finally I need to face reality that it is NOT getting better.  She was starting to look really thin and not eating or sleeping well and it was time to increase.  The pediatrician will barely discuss it with me anymore as the GI doctor and I made the decision that NO tests are being done until she is two.   She ventured a bit into the subject this week when we went to see her for some eczema around LO's mouth and was a bit upset that I waited so long to increase her meds but decided that her weight was acceptable.  I feel like the eczema is a result of the medication getting around her mouth when we give it to her as it is hard to administer medication three times a day in two different forms to an active child without it spilling a bit.  Anyway, sleep you are awesome.

All of this sleep and I realize that I need to face reality and realize that the holidays are HERE. John and I had a discussion about not purchasing gifts for anyone besides our mothers.  I was the one who initiated the conversation on reigning in the gifts and he quickly put the kibosh on all gifts.  I feel so weird and strange and oddly unsettled.   I purchased a few books for LO to open and Grandma has been sending tons of gifts so I don't feel any guilt.  I am feeling a little weird about showing up at my in-laws house with one gift.  Will we be able to pull it off?  I am not going home this holiday season so it may be easier than one would think.  Do you think that you could go through the holidays without buying gifts? I usually buy gifts for 30-35 people so it is a big leap for me to cut gifts down to two people.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Mascara Day #4

Today, I tried out Covergirl's Lashblast Fusion mascara or the purple one as referred by Hillary.  I really liked how well the mascara went on and there was a good amount of goop without any funny odors.  Erica suggested that the smell on the Colossal Volume by Maybeline was the smell of poverty, bwahahahaa.

The mascara trials are almost over and no funny weirdness to my eyes, SCORE!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Baby 1,562,547, Me 0

LO and I had what can only be described as a battle of "your face" last night.  I came home last night and brought in a box which is extremely exciting for LO who yelled "box," and wanted to carry it.  We get deliveries almost daily as I buy everything on the Internet because the Internet is AWESOME.  I opened the box and realized my mistake as it was a holiday gift for her from grandma.  She pulled out the racetrack and started squealing with excitement, so I promised her a car from the track and put the rest away.  The nanny took her upstairs to change a diaper and she seemed upset but alright.  She wanted a paci to calm herself down and then the nanny left. 
She came into my bedroom got on the bed and started kicking the bed while grumbling a bit.  I asked her to put the paci away as we weren't sleeping.  She ignored me until I took the paci away and then all hell broke loose.  She threw a fit that I was sure was going to result in vomiting.  Nothing could distract her insane violent crying which is pretty unusual.  Finally, I told her that she could have the paci but she was going to bed immediately and in her clothes.  She looked at me and marched to her bed and got in an HOUR before bedtime with no bubble bath, no choosing pjs, no nudie run and no stories or singing.  I put her in the crib and turned off the light and she said under her breath, "YOUR FACE."  I felt horrible and broke down a few minutes later and went and put her pjs on and held her.  She said "Sucker," and let me hold her. 

A friend of mine invited us to a sample sale downtown on Saturday that I really want to go to but her daughter sits in a stroller for an hour! What to do with LO who doesn't sit in strollers, some sort of strap to my leg??

Mascara News
All of that extra time to myself was helpful last night because I could NOT get the waterproof mascara off.  I have often wondered about people who wear mascara and false eyelashes for multiple days, two words: WATERPROOF MASCARA.  Holy he-double hockey sticks that shite doesn't run because it is like cement.  Upon closer inspection of the other mascaras, I realized that I had ACCIDENTALLY bought waterproof in ALL of them.  I had to make some exchanges at lunch so I just applied the Maybeline Colossal Volume mascara (the yellow one) as recommended by Erica and Shannon.

I did like the extra goopiness as it made the mascara feel a bit thicker and I can definitely feel the mascara on my eyelashes which is probably a personal preference.  I would love this mascara if it didn't have a funny smell.  I noticed the smell when I was applying the mascara and I could still smell the weirdness 15 minutes later.  I am either used to the smell or it has faded but it seems a bit peculiar.  It is a mix of a restroom at a public pool (chlorine) and chemical?! I did buy one of the last tubes so maybe it has gone bad?
Also another picture of me trying to look like a mascara model. Voila!