Wednesday, September 15, 2010


As I was racing home from work on Monday evening after leaving 30 minutes late, I was choreographing the evening in my mind.  Spend an hour with LO for bath, bottle, bed and then off to bed for her by 7:15, giving me 20 minutes to eat dinner and then on the computer for the 8 pm launch of our new site.  I wondered to myself if this was "having it all."  I felt like I was starting to find my groove again at work, LO had been enjoying her doctor reprieve and we have all been sleeping.  Ahhhhhhhhh, I walked through the door and LO started crying when she saw me.  I assumed that she was sad to see Poppins go but it should have been clue #1.  She was impossible to put to sleep and I started getting anxious which didn't help anything.  Thankfully DH came home and was able to take over as I ended up on a two hour conference call and LO woke up every 20 minutes screaming. 

Conference call ended at 10 pm and then it was off to mommy duty of holding my sick baby as she struggled to breathe.  I had been in denial that she was sick all evening but realized that it was the coughs at Mommy & Me or the sick uncle that were probably to blame.   So a simple cold/sniffle should be no big deal but for the LO it is a big deal as she simply can't breathe without struggling and needs to be in a sitting position especially at night.  The doctor blamed the reflux and largyngomelacia coupled with me not upping the dose that she recommended, a cold and some teething discomfort.  So I upped the medication last night which led to her screaming in pain and the saddest cry.  The doctor claims that the medication would not give her that reaction so quickly but it happens every time I up the medication so I am skeptical of her "wisdom."

DH and I sometimes try to convince ourselves that the raspy breathing is getting better or that she has hit that plateau but then I listen to video from the hospital and it sounds exactly the same.  I had big plans of music class for LO and Poppins and some other activities in the coming months but it is back to the bubble for LO where she will hide and hope for the best this cold and flu season.  So if you are coming to my house or going to hold the LO, wash your hands, mind your health or I might send her to your house for the weeks that it takes her to get over a cold.

PS We have been using the nap nanny under close supervision on the floor as she is so uncomfortable being held.

PPS I know there a lot of other babies that have it way worse than LO and I am grateful but just a little tired.